I have been failed.
I have been failed by churches, and Christians, and "Christians". Yes, there's a difference between those last two.
I have been failed by the church that says I have to wear skirts below my knees, long sleeves, panty-hose, hair up, no make-up, no jewelry, no nail polish.
I have been failed by the church people who tell me that my depression and anxiety is because I'm not close enough to God.
I have been failed by the "Christians" who color people's opinions of me by their spewed hatred everywhere.
I have been failed by the Christians who refused to pray for a specific request, because they didn't think I needed what I was praying for.
I have been failed by the pastor who interrupts before I can finish my point.
I have been failed by the Christians who tell me that Harry Potter is satanic, while Narnia and Lord of the Rings is perfectly fine (I love all three, mostly Narnia and Harry Potter).
I have been failed by the Christians who tell me Pokemon is demonic.
I have been failed by the Christians who have made me feel like I had to be trapped in their box, and in their personal convictions in order to be a Christian.
I've been failed by church people who somehow, though never involved, know personal details of my life, that they have no need to know.
I have been failed.
I'm not being melodramatic, or mistaking the things that have happened in my life. I have, indeed, been failed.
But...I've failed people too.
I've failed when I haven't been the respectful Christian I should be.
I've failed when I haven't obeyed my mother.
I've failed by my sins as well.
Do you who hasn't failed me, even though I've failed him?
God.
Christians fail me, churches fail me "Christians" fail me...and I fail all of them too...but God hasn't failed me. And even in a world where I'm being failed by people I shouldn't be failed by, and in a world where even I mess up, and fail...it's good to know that God won't fail me.
~Katie
Sunday, December 18, 2016
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
The Cave
TRIGGER WARNING: deals with depression and anxiety.
Having depression is like taking a long walk through a cave, and you don't have the map, you don't know where you're going or where the end is, and while you may have a vague idea how you got into the cave, you definitely don't know how to go back to the entrance and leave that way. And if you do know how to get back to the entrance, a lot of the time, it's blocked and you still can't get out.
Most of the time you're alone, because not everyone goes walking in a cave. Sometimes you may have a friend on the other side of the wall, but neither one of you can pass through the wall, or even if there's an opening to get to them, you may not realize they're there, or they may not realize you're there.
Your friends and family call you sometimes, but they don't always realize that you're lost in a cave, because you're so good at acting like you're perfectly fine, and know exactly where you are. When they do know you're in the cave, sometimes they say things like, "Well, just get out of the cave, silly!" or, "You do have a choice whether you're in the cave or not, you know." Sometimes they manage to be really helpful, and say things like, "I understand that you can't get out...if there's a way I can help you get out, let me know."
Sometimes the helpful friends and family can do things like read you written instructions for a map, or even send you a picture of part of the map, so you at least have a better idea of where you're going, and you don't hit so many dead ends. Sometimes, if they can find a hole in the roof of the cave, that isn't quite big enough for anyone to fit through, they can still drop you nice things, like chocolate, to make you feel better. They can talk to you, so you don't feel so alone.
But, eventually, your friends and family have to do their own things, so they hang up. Or you come across a dead spot in the cave, and the call drops, and you can't send texts. Sometimes you're so scared of never getting out of the cave that you don't even answer calls, because you think it would be better if your friends and family forgot you and learned to live without you before you die in the cave...or because you're scared of them leaving you, so you do the leaving first.
Remember how you're alone? Well, sometimes you aren't. Sometimes you have a little friend that joins you. Anxiety. You'd think that having company would make your journey easier, but when your company is Anxiety, you would much rather be alone.
He insists on riding on your back, instead of walking, because when he's on your back, he's closer to whisper in your ear things like, "You're an idiot. It's your fault you're in this cave. Your family hates you. Your friends don't really like you. Your boyfriend/girlfriend is going to break up with you. The reason why your cat doesn't like to cuddle is because it hates you too. If you say that people are going to think you're stupid, even if you're just sending it over a text. If you tell your family that you're lost in a cave, they're going to hate you even more. You'd better not touch that, because it might hurt you. Remember that thing you did forever ago? No? Well, I do, and I'm going to remind you, so you can feel bad about it all over again. Are you really so sure your friend forgave you all those years ago? There's a person behind you and they want to kidnap you and rape you and kill you."
Sometimes, when you're really lucky, there's a big hole in the roof of the cave, and you can actually see light, and you're reminded that there's a world beyond your cave, and that you can get there, even if you can't get there now, because the walls are too steep! And sometimes, when you're even more lucky, Anxiety drops off of your back and runs to hide in the shadows until later, but other times he stays and whispers things, casting clouds over the joy of the sunlight.
Then...at various points through your journey through the cave, there are stops. At these stops, there's a forked road. One of them, you know will kill you. And...sometimes...you can't remember what the light looks like...how the sun feels...all you can think about is ending your pain. Or sometimes...you honestly think your family and friends would be better off without you. You drag them down. You're always going to them with your problems, and you don't want to burden them. Oh, how you long to take the path of death. The path of relief.
But you don't.
You don't.
For whatever reason, you don't.
You think of your cat. Who will feed him?
You think of your family. What if they do need you?
You think of your friends. What if they need you too?
You think of noble things.
Or maybe...maybe you just get scared.
But whatever the reason, you don't let yourself die.
You continue your miserable journey.
And see, the thing is...no one can just...pull you out of the cave. You have to find the exit yourself. Of course, phone calls from friends and family may help. Even meds may help. Praying may help. But...you're still in the cave, even if there's a hole in the roof.
And sometimes...even if you do manage to find your way out of the cave for a bit, and walk and talk with your friends and family...and...well...actually enjoy yourself...the cave has a way of sneaking up on you, as if it's a living creature, and swallowing you down, even if you fight.
And...Anxiety doesn't always leave when you come out of the cave...in fact, Anxiety might cling to you for longer than you ever spent in the cave! I mean...Anxiety hangs out with me more than I'm in the cave, so he could do that to you too.
But, even while you're in that cave, there's something that you need to remember...or at least try your hardest, because I know first-hand that it's really hard to remember this: There IS someone who loves you, and there ARE people who care, and even though it's hard and miserable and you may never truly leave that cave, you WILL be okay.
~Katie
Having depression is like taking a long walk through a cave, and you don't have the map, you don't know where you're going or where the end is, and while you may have a vague idea how you got into the cave, you definitely don't know how to go back to the entrance and leave that way. And if you do know how to get back to the entrance, a lot of the time, it's blocked and you still can't get out.
Most of the time you're alone, because not everyone goes walking in a cave. Sometimes you may have a friend on the other side of the wall, but neither one of you can pass through the wall, or even if there's an opening to get to them, you may not realize they're there, or they may not realize you're there.
Your friends and family call you sometimes, but they don't always realize that you're lost in a cave, because you're so good at acting like you're perfectly fine, and know exactly where you are. When they do know you're in the cave, sometimes they say things like, "Well, just get out of the cave, silly!" or, "You do have a choice whether you're in the cave or not, you know." Sometimes they manage to be really helpful, and say things like, "I understand that you can't get out...if there's a way I can help you get out, let me know."
Sometimes the helpful friends and family can do things like read you written instructions for a map, or even send you a picture of part of the map, so you at least have a better idea of where you're going, and you don't hit so many dead ends. Sometimes, if they can find a hole in the roof of the cave, that isn't quite big enough for anyone to fit through, they can still drop you nice things, like chocolate, to make you feel better. They can talk to you, so you don't feel so alone.
But, eventually, your friends and family have to do their own things, so they hang up. Or you come across a dead spot in the cave, and the call drops, and you can't send texts. Sometimes you're so scared of never getting out of the cave that you don't even answer calls, because you think it would be better if your friends and family forgot you and learned to live without you before you die in the cave...or because you're scared of them leaving you, so you do the leaving first.
Remember how you're alone? Well, sometimes you aren't. Sometimes you have a little friend that joins you. Anxiety. You'd think that having company would make your journey easier, but when your company is Anxiety, you would much rather be alone.
He insists on riding on your back, instead of walking, because when he's on your back, he's closer to whisper in your ear things like, "You're an idiot. It's your fault you're in this cave. Your family hates you. Your friends don't really like you. Your boyfriend/girlfriend is going to break up with you. The reason why your cat doesn't like to cuddle is because it hates you too. If you say that people are going to think you're stupid, even if you're just sending it over a text. If you tell your family that you're lost in a cave, they're going to hate you even more. You'd better not touch that, because it might hurt you. Remember that thing you did forever ago? No? Well, I do, and I'm going to remind you, so you can feel bad about it all over again. Are you really so sure your friend forgave you all those years ago? There's a person behind you and they want to kidnap you and rape you and kill you."
Sometimes, when you're really lucky, there's a big hole in the roof of the cave, and you can actually see light, and you're reminded that there's a world beyond your cave, and that you can get there, even if you can't get there now, because the walls are too steep! And sometimes, when you're even more lucky, Anxiety drops off of your back and runs to hide in the shadows until later, but other times he stays and whispers things, casting clouds over the joy of the sunlight.
Then...at various points through your journey through the cave, there are stops. At these stops, there's a forked road. One of them, you know will kill you. And...sometimes...you can't remember what the light looks like...how the sun feels...all you can think about is ending your pain. Or sometimes...you honestly think your family and friends would be better off without you. You drag them down. You're always going to them with your problems, and you don't want to burden them. Oh, how you long to take the path of death. The path of relief.
But you don't.
You don't.
For whatever reason, you don't.
You think of your cat. Who will feed him?
You think of your family. What if they do need you?
You think of your friends. What if they need you too?
You think of noble things.
Or maybe...maybe you just get scared.
But whatever the reason, you don't let yourself die.
You continue your miserable journey.
And see, the thing is...no one can just...pull you out of the cave. You have to find the exit yourself. Of course, phone calls from friends and family may help. Even meds may help. Praying may help. But...you're still in the cave, even if there's a hole in the roof.
And sometimes...even if you do manage to find your way out of the cave for a bit, and walk and talk with your friends and family...and...well...actually enjoy yourself...the cave has a way of sneaking up on you, as if it's a living creature, and swallowing you down, even if you fight.
And...Anxiety doesn't always leave when you come out of the cave...in fact, Anxiety might cling to you for longer than you ever spent in the cave! I mean...Anxiety hangs out with me more than I'm in the cave, so he could do that to you too.
But, even while you're in that cave, there's something that you need to remember...or at least try your hardest, because I know first-hand that it's really hard to remember this: There IS someone who loves you, and there ARE people who care, and even though it's hard and miserable and you may never truly leave that cave, you WILL be okay.
~Katie
Wednesday, August 31, 2016
My...Testimony?
"My Testimony" feels like such a...generic title...so I didn't really want to use it, but...well...as you can see, I did. If you're wondering...I guess this will pretty much be telling about my journey to/through salvation.
I grew up in a single parent Christian home, with a mother that worked her butt off to make sure I had everything I needed, and a good deal of what I wanted (I still don't have a giraffe, but that's okay, I'm not dead yet). I've been going to church since before I was born, and don't know a time when I didn't know the name "Jesus", and not as a cuss word.
When I was little, I knew that you were supposed to ask Jesus into your heart, so when I was probably about three or four, I knelt down at my little toy box and prayed that God would save me, and as far as I was concerned, that was that.
Since I was homeschooled, reading my Bible was part of my curriculum, but I didn't really pray a lot, unless I needed something. I'm not sure that I was really old enough to understand the gravity of salvation, and had only prayed at my toy box because that's what I knew I was supposed to do.
The denomination that I grew up attending is a very legalistic denomination. Women are expected to wear skirts below their knees, their hair up in a bun, or other similar updo, the legs should always be covered, even if it's only by panty-hose. No make up. No jewelry. Sleeves below the elbows are best. Closed toe shoes are also the best.
Granted, some of the best people and the greatest prayer warriors I know come from that denomination, yet at the same time, some of the worst "Christians" I've ever met have come from that denomination. I've been witness to several of them bashing Pokemon, without actually learning anything about it, outside of what articles they find that already coincide with their own thinking (totally other rant). I've also been given dirty looks just for wearing my TARDIS dress...so.... However, like I said before, also some of the best people I've ever met have attended churches in that denomination.
When I was younger, I was pretty strong in my faith, I think. I wasn't always doubting. But the older I got, the more I questioned, which, I suppose is natural enough.
As I've mentioned before, my dad has never been around, and I honestly doubt that he wanted or loved me a lot of the time. I could be wrong, but...who knows. If my earthly father wasn't around and didn't want or love me, why on earth would my HEAVENLY father, who knows better want or love me?
I am a bit of a people pleaser. I like to make people happy. I hate it when people are mad or upset with me. As such, I'm always worried about whether or not people are mad at me, and yes, I've often been terrified of not being good enough for God, despite this being a salvation through faith, rather than works. I knew that works went along with faith, and I was always worried I wasn't doing enough.
I believe it was...two...Christmases ago, one of my uncles had somehow found some people on YouTube, who came up with reasons why modern Christians should be following the Old Testament laws as well. That was the catalyst.
I struggled enough before. How could I do anything now? I was overwhelmed. I didn't know all the laws...I still don't. I love bacon! Which, I mean, of course, bacon is nothing compared to the grand scheme of things...but...still...bacon. Of course, that wasn't the biggest thing, it was just...I was paralyzed. Spiritually paralyzed.
I struggled between trying hard to follow the Old Testament laws, and just giving up. Then roughly a year later...I say roughly, because I honestly can't remember...I got a boyfriend. That's great, right? Not really. It became an abusive relationship, and while I knew that God wanted us to break up, and I knew I needed out, but again, I felt paralyzed, and I had no idea how to get out...I just didn't.
I didn't read my Bible on a regular basis (and was only able to get back into it because of Bible reading plans on my Bible app), I rarely prayed...I just...I didn't know anymore.
I was also going to a Christian school at the time, and it wasn't good for me. I was working at the daycare just down the street, and my hours had been cut to oblivion after the director I first started working under retired. I went from working from out of school to close every night to working one night...if I were lucky.
One day I just...I guess I just knew. I had given up and there was no point in trying. I think it was around April. I couldn't go to anyone for help. I didn't even know how to formulate what was wrong and put it into words.
Sometime during that, I also felt like it was okay to leave that school. Because of issues with administration Doug, my stepdad, had been trying to get me to quit and go to the public school down the street for half of forever, but each time I felt like I needed to stay. So I stayed. But I felt like I could leave now, and be okay. So I did.
Of course, like I mentioned in previous blog posts, the principal kept trying to get me to stay...and boy am I glad I didn't. He told me that he wanted me to graduate from the right school...and I'm very glad that he felt that way, and I'm sure he prayed that I would graduate from the right school (thinking it was his, undoubtably) and I can tell you now...I DID!!!
Then my boyfriend broke up with me right before a church camp we were both going to. I went until Thursday night without breaking down and crying...but then I just broke down. Jacob was and is what held me together during that entire thing.
This entire time, I didn't feel like God would want me back or love me or anything like that, but I did try some. I kind of read the Bible every once in awhile, not as regularly (every night) as I once had...but...still. I remember going to camp meeting and being so angry when someone told about Aaron and...someone else holding up Moses' arms when he couldn't anymore...because the times when I cried out for help against my depression I was always met with a blow off answer "Just trust Jesus", and I felt like no one was actually going to do something to help me.
August 6, 2015--Thursday
Exodus 17:8-13. These people physically aided their comrade."
I wrote that very angrily.
I was scared and nervous to start at my new school, because I didn't know anyone. In art class, there was a boy named Alex. I was drawn to him and initially thought I might have a crush on him, because you know, when you're drawn to someone, that's usually why.
He was quiet, but seemed kind. One day during a free period during choir, Alex, a guy named Dakota, and myself were talking about churches, and Alex mentioned where he went to church. My family and I had tried to go once, but no one was there, and I told him that. He couldn't figure out why, but oh well.
Then came the musical. Oh, I loved that musical...I still love it, to be honest with you. Kinda miss it.... Alex was playing in the band pit...and it was near the last weeks of practicing. I was really irritated, because practice was on a Sunday, and on Sunday nights we nearly always went to my grandparents'...I had put down on the conflicts sheet that I couldn't do practice on Sundays, and here we were having a practice on Sundays.
Mom and Doug had gone to one church that had church on Sunday night, and once practice was over, I thought, "Hmm, I could go to Alex's church." So I went. I had a longer conversation with his dad that night, than I had had with Alex the entire time I had classes with him. Alex and I have since had longer conversations, including some where I have thrown things at him (he deserved it).
I liked the people there, so as soon as the musical was over, I started going to their church on Wednesday nights. The longer I went, the more I wanted to start going on Sundays too...but I felt held back by the other church I'd been attending with my family. But we wound up switching churches, and they went to one church and I now go to this church, and have been for almost a year now.
In Wednesday church one night, a question was asked about if you died right now, would you go to heaven, and Josh (the leader) looked at me and asked and I looked him point blank in the eye and said, "I don't know." He was shocked, because, as he says, I know my Bible well. Which, I don't know it perfectly or anything, but I do have an odd memory for little tidbits of things, which makes debates and arguments quite nice.
I don't remember quite what all transpired, but we talked a lot, and Josh asked me to come over to his house to talk with him and his wife, and I kind of got hung up on the whole baptism thing. I covered a lot of that in my post about my baptism. The church I had attended when I was young didn't do baptism...or communion.
I decided to get baptized. And...well, you can find all that here.
And...I don't know...some people say that you don't have to be baptized to be saved...and maybe you don't, I guess that that's something you'll have to work out yourself with fear and trembling, but I've never felt so confident in my salvation than I have the past six months.
Doug's even said that he's noticed a change in me in the past six months. I mean, I'm still me...and I guess that's something that I and others need to realize. You change...but you don't change. You still have the same interests...you're just more aware of when your interests don't align with God's...and you can like what you liked before you were saved...but still be a Christian (with some exceptions).
And I'm sure I've mentioned before about actually understanding God's love more now, in my relationship with Jacob. We have the most intimate relationship I have ever been in...even in my friendships. I hold very very little back from him. I can talk about anything with him.
Ever since camp meeting this August...I guess this month...I've kind of felt like I should share my testimony on my blog, so here it is, in its...novel like...glory?
Seriously, if you guys keep up with my insanely long blog posts, you're awesome.
~Katie
I grew up in a single parent Christian home, with a mother that worked her butt off to make sure I had everything I needed, and a good deal of what I wanted (I still don't have a giraffe, but that's okay, I'm not dead yet). I've been going to church since before I was born, and don't know a time when I didn't know the name "Jesus", and not as a cuss word.
When I was little, I knew that you were supposed to ask Jesus into your heart, so when I was probably about three or four, I knelt down at my little toy box and prayed that God would save me, and as far as I was concerned, that was that.
Since I was homeschooled, reading my Bible was part of my curriculum, but I didn't really pray a lot, unless I needed something. I'm not sure that I was really old enough to understand the gravity of salvation, and had only prayed at my toy box because that's what I knew I was supposed to do.
The denomination that I grew up attending is a very legalistic denomination. Women are expected to wear skirts below their knees, their hair up in a bun, or other similar updo, the legs should always be covered, even if it's only by panty-hose. No make up. No jewelry. Sleeves below the elbows are best. Closed toe shoes are also the best.
Granted, some of the best people and the greatest prayer warriors I know come from that denomination, yet at the same time, some of the worst "Christians" I've ever met have come from that denomination. I've been witness to several of them bashing Pokemon, without actually learning anything about it, outside of what articles they find that already coincide with their own thinking (totally other rant). I've also been given dirty looks just for wearing my TARDIS dress...so.... However, like I said before, also some of the best people I've ever met have attended churches in that denomination.
When I was younger, I was pretty strong in my faith, I think. I wasn't always doubting. But the older I got, the more I questioned, which, I suppose is natural enough.
As I've mentioned before, my dad has never been around, and I honestly doubt that he wanted or loved me a lot of the time. I could be wrong, but...who knows. If my earthly father wasn't around and didn't want or love me, why on earth would my HEAVENLY father, who knows better want or love me?
I am a bit of a people pleaser. I like to make people happy. I hate it when people are mad or upset with me. As such, I'm always worried about whether or not people are mad at me, and yes, I've often been terrified of not being good enough for God, despite this being a salvation through faith, rather than works. I knew that works went along with faith, and I was always worried I wasn't doing enough.
I believe it was...two...Christmases ago, one of my uncles had somehow found some people on YouTube, who came up with reasons why modern Christians should be following the Old Testament laws as well. That was the catalyst.
I struggled enough before. How could I do anything now? I was overwhelmed. I didn't know all the laws...I still don't. I love bacon! Which, I mean, of course, bacon is nothing compared to the grand scheme of things...but...still...bacon. Of course, that wasn't the biggest thing, it was just...I was paralyzed. Spiritually paralyzed.
I struggled between trying hard to follow the Old Testament laws, and just giving up. Then roughly a year later...I say roughly, because I honestly can't remember...I got a boyfriend. That's great, right? Not really. It became an abusive relationship, and while I knew that God wanted us to break up, and I knew I needed out, but again, I felt paralyzed, and I had no idea how to get out...I just didn't.
I didn't read my Bible on a regular basis (and was only able to get back into it because of Bible reading plans on my Bible app), I rarely prayed...I just...I didn't know anymore.
I was also going to a Christian school at the time, and it wasn't good for me. I was working at the daycare just down the street, and my hours had been cut to oblivion after the director I first started working under retired. I went from working from out of school to close every night to working one night...if I were lucky.
One day I just...I guess I just knew. I had given up and there was no point in trying. I think it was around April. I couldn't go to anyone for help. I didn't even know how to formulate what was wrong and put it into words.
Sometime during that, I also felt like it was okay to leave that school. Because of issues with administration Doug, my stepdad, had been trying to get me to quit and go to the public school down the street for half of forever, but each time I felt like I needed to stay. So I stayed. But I felt like I could leave now, and be okay. So I did.
Of course, like I mentioned in previous blog posts, the principal kept trying to get me to stay...and boy am I glad I didn't. He told me that he wanted me to graduate from the right school...and I'm very glad that he felt that way, and I'm sure he prayed that I would graduate from the right school (thinking it was his, undoubtably) and I can tell you now...I DID!!!
Then my boyfriend broke up with me right before a church camp we were both going to. I went until Thursday night without breaking down and crying...but then I just broke down. Jacob was and is what held me together during that entire thing.
This entire time, I didn't feel like God would want me back or love me or anything like that, but I did try some. I kind of read the Bible every once in awhile, not as regularly (every night) as I once had...but...still. I remember going to camp meeting and being so angry when someone told about Aaron and...someone else holding up Moses' arms when he couldn't anymore...because the times when I cried out for help against my depression I was always met with a blow off answer "Just trust Jesus", and I felt like no one was actually going to do something to help me.
August 6, 2015--Thursday
Exodus 17:8-13. These people physically aided their comrade."
I wrote that very angrily.
I was scared and nervous to start at my new school, because I didn't know anyone. In art class, there was a boy named Alex. I was drawn to him and initially thought I might have a crush on him, because you know, when you're drawn to someone, that's usually why.
He was quiet, but seemed kind. One day during a free period during choir, Alex, a guy named Dakota, and myself were talking about churches, and Alex mentioned where he went to church. My family and I had tried to go once, but no one was there, and I told him that. He couldn't figure out why, but oh well.
Then came the musical. Oh, I loved that musical...I still love it, to be honest with you. Kinda miss it.... Alex was playing in the band pit...and it was near the last weeks of practicing. I was really irritated, because practice was on a Sunday, and on Sunday nights we nearly always went to my grandparents'...I had put down on the conflicts sheet that I couldn't do practice on Sundays, and here we were having a practice on Sundays.
Mom and Doug had gone to one church that had church on Sunday night, and once practice was over, I thought, "Hmm, I could go to Alex's church." So I went. I had a longer conversation with his dad that night, than I had had with Alex the entire time I had classes with him. Alex and I have since had longer conversations, including some where I have thrown things at him (he deserved it).
I liked the people there, so as soon as the musical was over, I started going to their church on Wednesday nights. The longer I went, the more I wanted to start going on Sundays too...but I felt held back by the other church I'd been attending with my family. But we wound up switching churches, and they went to one church and I now go to this church, and have been for almost a year now.
In Wednesday church one night, a question was asked about if you died right now, would you go to heaven, and Josh (the leader) looked at me and asked and I looked him point blank in the eye and said, "I don't know." He was shocked, because, as he says, I know my Bible well. Which, I don't know it perfectly or anything, but I do have an odd memory for little tidbits of things, which makes debates and arguments quite nice.
I don't remember quite what all transpired, but we talked a lot, and Josh asked me to come over to his house to talk with him and his wife, and I kind of got hung up on the whole baptism thing. I covered a lot of that in my post about my baptism. The church I had attended when I was young didn't do baptism...or communion.
I decided to get baptized. And...well, you can find all that here.
And...I don't know...some people say that you don't have to be baptized to be saved...and maybe you don't, I guess that that's something you'll have to work out yourself with fear and trembling, but I've never felt so confident in my salvation than I have the past six months.
Doug's even said that he's noticed a change in me in the past six months. I mean, I'm still me...and I guess that's something that I and others need to realize. You change...but you don't change. You still have the same interests...you're just more aware of when your interests don't align with God's...and you can like what you liked before you were saved...but still be a Christian (with some exceptions).
And I'm sure I've mentioned before about actually understanding God's love more now, in my relationship with Jacob. We have the most intimate relationship I have ever been in...even in my friendships. I hold very very little back from him. I can talk about anything with him.
Ever since camp meeting this August...I guess this month...I've kind of felt like I should share my testimony on my blog, so here it is, in its...novel like...glory?
Seriously, if you guys keep up with my insanely long blog posts, you're awesome.
~Katie
Saturday, August 20, 2016
I Got Irritated Again.
Okay, so I am very tired of seeing people
that I respect do things that make me lose a bit of respect for
them...especially when they take what one person writes in an article, and
decides that it's the truth...because it already fits their own idea.
Yes, this involves Pokemon again.
Someone from one of my churches
posted this
article saying "for your info". For one, this
is a rather outdated post! There are a TON more pokemon and pokemon types
now. For two... *groans* it has picked something that it
already deems as "evil" and is looking for ways to support its
agenda. You can do that with anything. Literally anything.
Wanna know how I know? Well, I took one of my favorite book series
of all times (The Chronicles of Narnia), and picked apart the first
CHRONOLOGICAL book. By that, I mean The Magician's Nephew.
Again, I said chronological, not first written. Oh, it's
satanic and occultic!
This is what I said:
"By this logic, The Chronicles of Narnia, a book series
written by C.S. Lewis, and a movie series made by Disney (not as good as the
books) is evil and should not be read.
Narnia is a series
revolving mainly around four siblings, Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy, their
cousin Eustace and his friend Jill, and a professor named Digory, and his
friend Polly.
In the first
chronological book, The Magician's Nephew, it starts off right away with a boy
who has a very off the wall uncle. His uncle has "magic" rings (oh
no, the occult), that can transport a person from realm to realm. He forces
Digory and Polly (whom Digory finds while crawling through the attic, if I
remember, something else children should not be encouraged to do) to wear these
rings and go to a different world.
They go to this world,
and there's a bell there, when they ring it all these stone people come to
life. This must be magic. Again, the occult, obviously.
I recall that there
was a forest, with different puddles, and basically, the puddles transport to
and from these places. They go into another puddle and they're transported to a
new "world" that is just being made, by a singing lion.
The lion sings and
stuff happens. Talking animals and everything. Okay, that's so not cool, that's
obviously occultish magic and will give children the idea that God isn't
actually God, but some singing lion, especially as the author of these books
never once mentions God in this series.
Later on, when Digory
and Polly are back in England, they've accidentally taken some evil witch (yes,
witch, okay, they aren't even trying to hide that she's a witch, obviously
involved in the occult!) with them. She breaks a lamppost and when they get
back to this new "world" which has been named Narnia, she throws it
into the ground and it grows into a regular sized lamppost, complete with a
lamp with fire in it and everything. Again, occultic magic.
I don't fully remember
the entire book, as I haven't read it in a long time, but I do remember that a
cab driver and his horse Strawberry are brought to Narnia as well. Aslan wants
him to stay and he even gets the man's wife there as well! That's so wrong!
Just displacing a person from where they've grown.
Digory, the book's
main protagonist even steals an apple to "heal his ailing mother", as
if a "magical" apple can do that! Then his mother is miraculously
healed. Okay, what? Obviously occultic stuff right there.
Oh and what's worse?
He plants the remains of that apple and if I remember correctly, the tree grew
overnight. That doesn't happen. That is not something we want our kids to think
can happen.
Later, he cuts the
tree down and builds a wardrobe out of it, which later, in the book The Lion
the Witch and the Wardrobe, transports the four siblings mentioned before to
Narnia.
There are seven books
in this series, and I could pick them all apart for you like this man does, to
prove why they are leading children into the occult and that they should not be
read or partaken in at all, but that would take up too much room here.
Other books basically
embrace the idea that a lion (Aslan) can save people from dying, or transport
people do different lands or his "kingdom". He died in one of the
books and was brought back to life. I don't see how anyone could allow their
child to read these books or watch the movies.
In The Lion, the
Witch, and the Wardrobe (witch is in the title, why would anyone think that
that's appropriate?) there is a witch (big shocker) who turns the entire
country into ice using her sorcery...and good Christian people let their
children read these books and watch these movies.
And the worst part of
this entire thing is that there are Christians all over the world who believe
that The Chronicles of Narnia is something good for their children! This author
also wrote a book called The Screwtape letters, targeted at adults, where a
demon is trying to control a man, and ultimately end him in hell. I mean,
that's satanic right there! Why on earth would anyone want to read a book that
all but romanticizes satanic things like that?
.
.
.
Do you see how absurd
that is? Because...um...that article used the exact same logic I did. ANYTHING,
literally ANYTHING could lead a person to the occult. I've been watching
Pokemon, learning about Pokemon, even playing some Pokemon games...and...I'm
probably further away from the occult than I have ever been. Not because of the
movies/books/games I partake in, but because of my relationship with Jesus
Christ and God.
Again ANYTHING could
be found to be Satanic or Occultic....
And what really
bothers me is people just reading articles like this and believing them. They
don't even try to go out and learn about it other than people who already share
the same opinion. Just because someone says it's true, doesn't mean it actually
is. I mean, seriously, go look at all the articles and websites promoting
abortion!
Oh, and about the
evolutions they're talking about...it's basically growing up. Most pokemon have
three stages and it's basically baby>teen>adult.
ACTUALLY, one of the
pokemon is a caterpillar called caterpie. He evolves into a butterfly. He goes
from Caterpie the catterpillar, to Metapod the cocoon, to Butterfree (I think I
spelled that right) the butterfly. It just goes through the stages of
metamorphosis."
So...yeah. Like I said
there...you can find the occult in anything if you want to. You can find
the evil in anything if you want to. And the thing is, maybe you have a
personal conviction against something. I know a woman who has a personal
conviction against chewing gum. BUT she doesn't tell others they can't
chew gum, and she even keeps gum in her purse for others if they want some.
If it's YOUR personal
conviction, don't force it on OTHERS.
Annoyed, ranting human out,
~Katie
Wednesday, July 27, 2016
The Quest for a Career
Well...I've been kind of busy this week! Near the end of last week, I made a schedule for myself, telling me which room to clean, which days to wash windows (which I need to start doing), which days to sweep, etc, etc...also which day to blog. I need to blog more often and I figured having a set day to do so (and having it written down) might help me a bit!
I've been doing art a lot lately. Both makeup art, and digital art (as well as paper written art, although I have no scanner, so can't share it...sorry!).
I've been doing art a lot lately. Both makeup art, and digital art (as well as paper written art, although I have no scanner, so can't share it...sorry!).
First off, this lovely lady is UnnamedLegend (Emily) from Flight Rising. She's one of my dragons, and I did what I believe is called a "gjinka" of her. (when you draw an animal as a human)
This isn't art, but Poro was so adorable that I just had to share him. I had been gone for several days and he missed me, so he crawled up on my comfy chair and hugged my foot.
Black and white version of my makeup. Not quite as pretty, but still pretty enough
I thought I had more pictures of my makeup, but apparently not. I really want to get really good at my makeup, so I can do those fancy makeup designs that other people do. I have a really good idea for a gargoyle look.
Meet Volt. Volt is a dragon (duh). This species of dragon is called a "spiral" dragon. They are...well...basically noodles, which is why people call them noodles! One of the things they're said to do when they get bored is...well...tie themselves into knots. That's him tied into a knot.
This is Volt himself. If you click on him, it'll take you straight to his page! And if you scroll down, you can even read the lore I wrote for him!
So...other things I've been up to? Why has this week been busy? Well, yesterday, I woke up, and I had a missed call from a number that I didn't recognize. I googled it and it was from Wichita. I was hesitant, but I called, because I've been sticking out job applications left and right, and, lo and behold, the person calling works for a company out of Wichita, but were in a town just thirty minutes away. And...he wanted me to come in for a job interview at 2:45!
I panicked (sort of), and quickly cleaned myself up, got dressed, made sure I was all dressy and stuff, almost as if it was for church. But not quite. I actually can't remember what I wore right now. Oh. I remember my shirt. But I can't remember my skirt. This is gonna bother me now.
Anyway, I showed up for the interview and I think it went well. I was told that I would know by today or tomorrow.
BUT
Today I woke up, and almost immediately I got a phone call from, again, a number I didn't recognize. Turns out, it was the Casey's just two blocks down. They wanted me to come in for a job interview at 11:15. So, again, I hurriedly got all nicely dressed and went in for an interview.
We're in the back room, doing the interview. She's asking me the standard interview questions (oh my goodness, so many, and they're so confusing...like, one wrong answer, or the right answer phrased wrong and yikes). I was kind of caught of guard when she asked me why she should hire me over everyone else. I suppose this would be a good place to use the phrase, "a pregnant pause". I'm pretty sure my entire face just went blank.
I always have problems with job interviews and questions about yourself. I mean...there is a fine line between selling yourself and...um...selling yourself, if you know what I mean. I mean, honestly, you want them to think you know your strengths, but you don't want them to think that you think you're the only one in the world with your strengths in that magnitude.
Anyway. A nice job interview. She told me that she'd call me later today to let me know.
Roughly an hour ago, I got a phone call. It was the lady from Casey's.
And guess what.
The blog you are now reading, is officially run by a Casey's employee!
I go in tomorrow for training. I'm so excited! Nah, not my favorite job in the world, because it's not daycare or teaching, or something with little people, but I know I'll like it better than fast food. I've been praying for a decent paying job that I'll enjoy. Considering that the babysitting jobs God's given me have been enjoyable, I doubt he'll fail me on the enjoyable part now.
So.
Signing off from a small town in Kansas...your newest Casey's employee!
~Katie
Wednesday, July 20, 2016
Rant and "Revelation"
Hi! Okay, so I have a rant and a revelation, hence the title of this post. I've gotten much better at naming posts since I had my first blog at 11-12ish...much, much, MUCH better. Even since I first had this blog. No, seriously, go look at old blog post names....
Well, to start with...I'm going to rant, that way you have a maybe treat at the end of this. And this rant may leak into SEVERAL rants.
First off. What's wrong with Pokemon Go? I see so many people posting about how people playing Pokemon Go need to "Go" out and get a job. I also know several people who play Pokemon go who DO have jobs and DO separate their Pokemon life from their Work life AND their personal life.
Also, I'm not aware if this is common knowledge, but people have been playing video games since...at least the 80s, I believe...and to my knowledge this is one of the few video games that require a person to leave their house to get far in it. MOST video games, you have to PAY money to get far in it.
For those of you who don't know, Pokemon Go is a Pokemon game made by Niantic (not Nintendo), that requires you to leave your house to catch Pokemon, rather than travel in-game, but not in real-life, you travel in real-life to travel in-game.
There are places called Pokestops, and you have to go to them to pick up Pokeballs, and other things (I don't fully understand), and also Pokegyms, which I don't really understand either. I've never actually played a Pokemon game other than Pokemon Showdown, although I would like to. A lot of these Pokestops and gyms are at churches...which...yes...means people are going to those churches! In fact, a lot of churches have been using this as outreach.
There are also people that I've seen on my friendslist on Facebook inviting others to go on road trips to different towns with them, to look for Pokemon! I mean, that's great! Actually getting out and about! Spending time with people! Talking about something (even if all it is is Pokemon, that's SOMETHING)!
From talking to one of my friends who plays the game, she struggles with depression and anxiety, and this has been great for her! Yes, she still struggles with depression, but she said that it's lifted her overall mood, and I know she isn't alone.
For a person who may struggle with social anxiety, and talking with others, especially strangers, this is fantastic. You see another person playing Pokemon Go? You actually have something to talk about, rather than struggling through small talk. It's like seeing someone read your favorite book, or wearing a shirt from a TV show or movie you like...you might say something to them, when you never would have spoken to them before.
But I still see people posting things about how people playing Pokemon Go, especially adults that play, should stop playing the video games, and go get a job. I don't see people doing that with Candy Crush, or Minecraft, or Undertale, or League of Legends, or really any game...other than, oddly enough, the game that has people actually doing something. And that frustrates me!
Okay. Now that was the rant. Time for a mini rant and the revelation.
Marriage and college. I often hear people saying not to rush into marriage, but if you decide to take a year off of college, you are rarely encouraged, but rather told that you should go immediately into college! Even if you don't know what you want to major in, or minor in, and really just want to take a year or two off, work a bit, then go back. What's up with that? I mean, neither should be taken lightly, but why rush someone into college when they aren't ready, while discouraging someone from marriage when they are ready, or when they haven't even said they're getting married super soon?
Okay, mini rant over.
I've figured out my minor! As most of you know (this isn't bear college I'm talking about now, it's what I'm doing after bear college. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I mentioned it in THIS blog post.), I am planning to take a year off of school, then go back for the 2017-2018 year, where I will major in education. I would love to be a teacher, but even more than that, I would love to be a daycare worker, or even a nanny. So I have had my major in place for about two years, give or take.
Recently, my minor was finally decided. And it will beeeee.... BUSINESS.
Why business? As most of you also know, I hate math, and will probably never open a big huge business. However.... I plan to work until I have children, but after that, I don't want my child to go to daycare, especially not when they're a baby, so, in order to stay with my child and be sure I know what kind of treatment they are receiving, I want to open my own home daycare, so I can take care of my child(ren), and still have a bit of income.
Also, even if I don't have children, a business degree ensures that I am allowed by law to teach business classes!
So...there you have it. A rant, a mini-rant, and a revelation.
Tune in next time to...well...see/here whatever comes to mind!
~Katie
Well, to start with...I'm going to rant, that way you have a maybe treat at the end of this. And this rant may leak into SEVERAL rants.
First off. What's wrong with Pokemon Go? I see so many people posting about how people playing Pokemon Go need to "Go" out and get a job. I also know several people who play Pokemon go who DO have jobs and DO separate their Pokemon life from their Work life AND their personal life.
Also, I'm not aware if this is common knowledge, but people have been playing video games since...at least the 80s, I believe...and to my knowledge this is one of the few video games that require a person to leave their house to get far in it. MOST video games, you have to PAY money to get far in it.
For those of you who don't know, Pokemon Go is a Pokemon game made by Niantic (not Nintendo), that requires you to leave your house to catch Pokemon, rather than travel in-game, but not in real-life, you travel in real-life to travel in-game.
There are places called Pokestops, and you have to go to them to pick up Pokeballs, and other things (I don't fully understand), and also Pokegyms, which I don't really understand either. I've never actually played a Pokemon game other than Pokemon Showdown, although I would like to. A lot of these Pokestops and gyms are at churches...which...yes...means people are going to those churches! In fact, a lot of churches have been using this as outreach.
There are also people that I've seen on my friendslist on Facebook inviting others to go on road trips to different towns with them, to look for Pokemon! I mean, that's great! Actually getting out and about! Spending time with people! Talking about something (even if all it is is Pokemon, that's SOMETHING)!
From talking to one of my friends who plays the game, she struggles with depression and anxiety, and this has been great for her! Yes, she still struggles with depression, but she said that it's lifted her overall mood, and I know she isn't alone.
For a person who may struggle with social anxiety, and talking with others, especially strangers, this is fantastic. You see another person playing Pokemon Go? You actually have something to talk about, rather than struggling through small talk. It's like seeing someone read your favorite book, or wearing a shirt from a TV show or movie you like...you might say something to them, when you never would have spoken to them before.
But I still see people posting things about how people playing Pokemon Go, especially adults that play, should stop playing the video games, and go get a job. I don't see people doing that with Candy Crush, or Minecraft, or Undertale, or League of Legends, or really any game...other than, oddly enough, the game that has people actually doing something. And that frustrates me!
Okay. Now that was the rant. Time for a mini rant and the revelation.
Marriage and college. I often hear people saying not to rush into marriage, but if you decide to take a year off of college, you are rarely encouraged, but rather told that you should go immediately into college! Even if you don't know what you want to major in, or minor in, and really just want to take a year or two off, work a bit, then go back. What's up with that? I mean, neither should be taken lightly, but why rush someone into college when they aren't ready, while discouraging someone from marriage when they are ready, or when they haven't even said they're getting married super soon?
Okay, mini rant over.
I've figured out my minor! As most of you know (this isn't bear college I'm talking about now, it's what I'm doing after bear college. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I mentioned it in THIS blog post.), I am planning to take a year off of school, then go back for the 2017-2018 year, where I will major in education. I would love to be a teacher, but even more than that, I would love to be a daycare worker, or even a nanny. So I have had my major in place for about two years, give or take.
Recently, my minor was finally decided. And it will beeeee.... BUSINESS.
Why business? As most of you also know, I hate math, and will probably never open a big huge business. However.... I plan to work until I have children, but after that, I don't want my child to go to daycare, especially not when they're a baby, so, in order to stay with my child and be sure I know what kind of treatment they are receiving, I want to open my own home daycare, so I can take care of my child(ren), and still have a bit of income.
Also, even if I don't have children, a business degree ensures that I am allowed by law to teach business classes!
So...there you have it. A rant, a mini-rant, and a revelation.
Tune in next time to...well...see/here whatever comes to mind!
~Katie
Thursday, June 23, 2016
How Highly are Women Valued in the Bible?
¡¡¡ATTENTION!!! If YOU are a virtuous woman, the Bible values you ABOVE wisdom! Yeah, you heard me right! By the Bible, YOU are more valuable than WISDOM.
Job 28:18**
"No mention shall be made of coral, or of pearls: for the price of wisdom is above rubies." Now that prices rubies pretty highly.
Proverbs 31:10
"Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies."
Okay...rubies again? What's with the price of rubies in the Bible?
WAIT.
Read Proverbs 31:10 again.
FAR above rubies.
Wisdom is only priced above rubies. Virtuous women on the other hand...FAR above rubies.
BAM virtuous women are more important than wisdom.
**All scriptures are KJV
~Katie
Thursday, June 9, 2016
My Dear Molester
**NOTICE** This may be triggering for some to read. This is written in honor of my (sadly) many friends who have been molested. Both male and female. I have tried to get into their heads, from what they have told me and other research I've done, and this...this is the result.
My dear (not dear) molester,
What you did to me changed my life forever. I was only 2. I was only 5. I was only 6. I was only 7. I was only 12. I had that glow of innocence in my eyes up until that moment when...you touched me...you showed me your genitals...you touched my genitals...you watched me bathe.
I never realized how terrible your actions were until I was older...what you did scared me right from the start...I was so confused....
I've never understood your actions, Daddy...you're supposed to protect your little girl from men like you. I never understood why you did it, Dad...I'm your son...you're supposed to be my role model. I don't know why you did it...you were my best friend...we were the same age. Were you used too? Big brother? I know you were hurt...but why hurt me? Uncles aren't supposed to do that....
Now, I was the lucky one. Momma caught you. But I wasn't so lucky...you still come home for Thanksgiving. I still see your face every day, but I think I've forgiven you. You're gone, you've served your time...but I fear the day that I might see your face again.
I remember how you touched me, and where...but what happened before, after, and in the middle...I don't remember.... Just bits and pieces here and there. After all, you had me in your grasp just a few months...then were gone. But not me...I lived with you until I was twelve. Every day, a pawn in your grasp.
You've made me feel dirty. You've made me feel used. You've made me feel emasculated...guys can't get raped or molested. But yet...I was. You've broken my spirit and damaged my soul...you have crushed my heart and being. My days are filled with a one word question...one word alone...that word is "why".
I'd like to say that I'm responsible for my actions...but yours have ushered the way for mine. The way I used my girlfriend, because that's how you've taught me love. To love her means to dominate, which is the only way I can regain my masculinity. Me? I didn't understand my actions, or why I felt this way. I if I had, I never would have let him use me that way. I never would have tried to touch my cousin. I never would have started pornography.
But something I can't help is my emotions and the side effects that come. Depressed. Anxious. I need control...I need someone to be in control. I cringe when my father tries to hug...because of you. When my husband tries to kiss my lips, I involuntarily duck my head. I can't stand intimacy, even in marriage....
I've had more than one molester. Apparently that's common. First you, then you, and you, and you. Together you've crushed my spirit. I've learned that no is just a word, and there is no weight behind it. No I would not like that there. Never mind, it's already there. No, I wouldn't like a kiss. Never mind, you missed my words. No please, no, don't touch me there. I guess that my no means nothing now.
It's hard to explain why what you've done has hurt me so and still today. It's kind of hard to explain to someone who has never felt this way that the reason why I still hurt now is because what you've done has broken something like a bone, but instead of being set the way it should, it's healed crooked, and will always ache.
But how have I dealt with what you've done? My arm is ribbons...I've turned to drugs...I've turned to Jesus...I have support...oh look, I've got an STD, because again, I thought that that guy loved me. Girl after girl I molest in my grasp, the way you used me when I was young. But what about me? I'm a ghost. I'm dead. I couldn't handle it, and I didn't live.
So...my dear (not dear) molester...I just wanted you to see...that the things you've done have affected me, more than we either could have seen...and I don't know if you realized what your actions would bring, but I know I made excuses for you. I know I tried to say you didn't know, I know I tried to say, "Well, it happened to them too." I have excuses on why it wasn't that bad, and excuses to why it "doesn't hurt", but all of that's a lie.
It hurts. It stings. It burns. I AM PAIN. Perhaps I'll heal, perhaps I won't...I just wanted you to know...when you used me the way you did, our lives entwined and your actions have changed my life today....
Sincerely,
Your Victim A survivor
My dear (not dear) molester,
What you did to me changed my life forever. I was only 2. I was only 5. I was only 6. I was only 7. I was only 12. I had that glow of innocence in my eyes up until that moment when...you touched me...you showed me your genitals...you touched my genitals...you watched me bathe.
I never realized how terrible your actions were until I was older...what you did scared me right from the start...I was so confused....
I've never understood your actions, Daddy...you're supposed to protect your little girl from men like you. I never understood why you did it, Dad...I'm your son...you're supposed to be my role model. I don't know why you did it...you were my best friend...we were the same age. Were you used too? Big brother? I know you were hurt...but why hurt me? Uncles aren't supposed to do that....
Now, I was the lucky one. Momma caught you. But I wasn't so lucky...you still come home for Thanksgiving. I still see your face every day, but I think I've forgiven you. You're gone, you've served your time...but I fear the day that I might see your face again.
I remember how you touched me, and where...but what happened before, after, and in the middle...I don't remember.... Just bits and pieces here and there. After all, you had me in your grasp just a few months...then were gone. But not me...I lived with you until I was twelve. Every day, a pawn in your grasp.
You've made me feel dirty. You've made me feel used. You've made me feel emasculated...guys can't get raped or molested. But yet...I was. You've broken my spirit and damaged my soul...you have crushed my heart and being. My days are filled with a one word question...one word alone...that word is "why".
I'd like to say that I'm responsible for my actions...but yours have ushered the way for mine. The way I used my girlfriend, because that's how you've taught me love. To love her means to dominate, which is the only way I can regain my masculinity. Me? I didn't understand my actions, or why I felt this way. I if I had, I never would have let him use me that way. I never would have tried to touch my cousin. I never would have started pornography.
But something I can't help is my emotions and the side effects that come. Depressed. Anxious. I need control...I need someone to be in control. I cringe when my father tries to hug...because of you. When my husband tries to kiss my lips, I involuntarily duck my head. I can't stand intimacy, even in marriage....
I've had more than one molester. Apparently that's common. First you, then you, and you, and you. Together you've crushed my spirit. I've learned that no is just a word, and there is no weight behind it. No I would not like that there. Never mind, it's already there. No, I wouldn't like a kiss. Never mind, you missed my words. No please, no, don't touch me there. I guess that my no means nothing now.
It's hard to explain why what you've done has hurt me so and still today. It's kind of hard to explain to someone who has never felt this way that the reason why I still hurt now is because what you've done has broken something like a bone, but instead of being set the way it should, it's healed crooked, and will always ache.
But how have I dealt with what you've done? My arm is ribbons...I've turned to drugs...I've turned to Jesus...I have support...oh look, I've got an STD, because again, I thought that that guy loved me. Girl after girl I molest in my grasp, the way you used me when I was young. But what about me? I'm a ghost. I'm dead. I couldn't handle it, and I didn't live.
So...my dear (not dear) molester...I just wanted you to see...that the things you've done have affected me, more than we either could have seen...and I don't know if you realized what your actions would bring, but I know I made excuses for you. I know I tried to say you didn't know, I know I tried to say, "Well, it happened to them too." I have excuses on why it wasn't that bad, and excuses to why it "doesn't hurt", but all of that's a lie.
It hurts. It stings. It burns. I AM PAIN. Perhaps I'll heal, perhaps I won't...I just wanted you to know...when you used me the way you did, our lives entwined and your actions have changed my life today....
Sincerely,
Tuesday, May 31, 2016
"I Didn't, You Shouldn't!"
"I've been through that too...but I didn't react the way you did. You don't have to react that way."
"That happened to me, but it didn't affect me like that, so it shouldn't affect you like that."
Well, it just so happens that while there are many different things that can happen to many different people, and sometimes two different people may have the exact (or very similar) same thing happen to them. But...these people are, as mentioned before different, which means that they will most likely have different reactions.
Sometimes a person reacts in a positive way to a terrible thing that happened to them, but another person who may have had the exact same thing happen to them reacts either neutral or negatively. In some of these cases, the person who reacts positively might ask the person who reacted negatively, "What's wrong with you, this isn't as terrible as you're acting. I'm fine." Or the person who reacted negatively might go to the person who reacted positively saying, "Why are you acting so okay? This isn't okay! This has devastated me!"
An example (fictional, but so real) is in the book by Sarah Dessen, Just Listen.
This book is about a girl named Annabel who was raped by her best friend's serial rapist boyfriend. He had a habit of raping or otherwise violating girls, then his girlfriend would get mad and alienate the girl. Making sure everyone know that the rape victim was an [insert curse word here as I do not use curse words, even in quotes on my blog].
She either didn't know or didn't want to see what her boyfriend was doing. So, when at the end of the school year, Annabel was raped by him, Annabel became alienated.
The rape devastated Annabel. She didn't feel like she could or should tell anyone what happened. She didn't feel like she should tell anyone the "real" reason why Sophie (former friend) wasn't her friend anymore. The story circulating around school was that Annabel was a [bleep] who slept with Sophie's boyfriend. She had no friends.
She was scared. When she saw Will (the boyfriend) she threw up. Not once. Twice. She didn't want to do modeling anymore (A family thing that she'd been doing since before she could walk), but she was also scared to tell her mother.
Near the end of the book, the girl who had taken Annabel's place, a Freshman named Emily, was raped by Will. Emily wasn't silent. Was she scared? Yeah. But she went to the authorities. And because of that, Annabel also found the courage to stand up.
The same thing happened to two different girls. The same thing. By the same guy. But they reacted differently.
It's like pouring baking soda over water, and pouring baking soda over vinegar. The water doesn't react, but the vinegar has an explosive reaction (science fair volcano anyone?). The same solvent, but a different solute.
Does that mean that everyone should be allowed to react however they want? If I punch you in the face, is it okay to react by shooting me? Uh...not exactly. But in certain circumstances, understand...different people react differently to even the same thing.
For example (drawing from a research paper I did my sophomore year), sometimes when a girl is sexually abused as a child, she completely withdraws from sex and anything sexual altogether...other times, a different girl, even if it was the exact same guy, the exact same type of abuse, will have an extremely high sex drive.
This is just something that's been rattling around in my mind for awhile.
~Katie
"That happened to me, but it didn't affect me like that, so it shouldn't affect you like that."
Well, it just so happens that while there are many different things that can happen to many different people, and sometimes two different people may have the exact (or very similar) same thing happen to them. But...these people are, as mentioned before different, which means that they will most likely have different reactions.
Sometimes a person reacts in a positive way to a terrible thing that happened to them, but another person who may have had the exact same thing happen to them reacts either neutral or negatively. In some of these cases, the person who reacts positively might ask the person who reacted negatively, "What's wrong with you, this isn't as terrible as you're acting. I'm fine." Or the person who reacted negatively might go to the person who reacted positively saying, "Why are you acting so okay? This isn't okay! This has devastated me!"
An example (fictional, but so real) is in the book by Sarah Dessen, Just Listen.
This book is about a girl named Annabel who was raped by her best friend's serial rapist boyfriend. He had a habit of raping or otherwise violating girls, then his girlfriend would get mad and alienate the girl. Making sure everyone know that the rape victim was an [insert curse word here as I do not use curse words, even in quotes on my blog].
She either didn't know or didn't want to see what her boyfriend was doing. So, when at the end of the school year, Annabel was raped by him, Annabel became alienated.
The rape devastated Annabel. She didn't feel like she could or should tell anyone what happened. She didn't feel like she should tell anyone the "real" reason why Sophie (former friend) wasn't her friend anymore. The story circulating around school was that Annabel was a [bleep] who slept with Sophie's boyfriend. She had no friends.
She was scared. When she saw Will (the boyfriend) she threw up. Not once. Twice. She didn't want to do modeling anymore (A family thing that she'd been doing since before she could walk), but she was also scared to tell her mother.
Near the end of the book, the girl who had taken Annabel's place, a Freshman named Emily, was raped by Will. Emily wasn't silent. Was she scared? Yeah. But she went to the authorities. And because of that, Annabel also found the courage to stand up.
The same thing happened to two different girls. The same thing. By the same guy. But they reacted differently.
It's like pouring baking soda over water, and pouring baking soda over vinegar. The water doesn't react, but the vinegar has an explosive reaction (science fair volcano anyone?). The same solvent, but a different solute.
Does that mean that everyone should be allowed to react however they want? If I punch you in the face, is it okay to react by shooting me? Uh...not exactly. But in certain circumstances, understand...different people react differently to even the same thing.
For example (drawing from a research paper I did my sophomore year), sometimes when a girl is sexually abused as a child, she completely withdraws from sex and anything sexual altogether...other times, a different girl, even if it was the exact same guy, the exact same type of abuse, will have an extremely high sex drive.
This is just something that's been rattling around in my mind for awhile.
~Katie
Monday, May 30, 2016
The Way to be Saved (Cartoon Jesus)
(Sorry for the weird way it's shown here...I copy pasted it from something I already shared on Facebook)
"Share me." Says cartoon Jesus in the little meme.
"Oh no, keep scrolling, that means you pick me." Cartoon Satan laughs.
Cartoon me is in between them, looking scared. Which should I pick? Is it betraying Jesus not to press the little share button? It's not that hard to do and then, whew, I've told all of my Facebook friends that I pick Jesus!
My Facebook friends have no idea that I pick Jesus if I don't share that. Not even if I just shared my favorite Bible verse two minutes ago, or told everyone that God answered my prayer.
My Facebook friends don't know that I'm a Christian if I don't share that. Not even if I was sitting in church next to them yesterday. Not even if they came to me with a prayer request and I prayed for them.
My Facebook friends haven't the slightest idea that I serve God if I don't share that. Not even if I show them His love.
Or, maybe I'm not a Christian.
My Facebook friends have no idea that I don't pick Jesus, as long as I share that. Not even if I cussed at the slow driver who had no idea where they were. Not even if I go along with bullying that already bullied enough girl.
My Facebook friends don't know that I'm not a Christian if I share that. Not even if just three seconds ago I posted on my Facebook something about how God doesn't exist.
My Facebook friends haven't the slightest idea that I don't serve God, if I share that. Not even if I cheat on my test with no remorse. Not even if I continually talk about people behind their backs.
"Oh no, keep scrolling, that means you pick me." Cartoon Satan laughs.
Cartoon me is in between them, looking scared. Which should I pick? Is it betraying Jesus not to press the little share button? It's not that hard to do and then, whew, I've told all of my Facebook friends that I pick Jesus!
My Facebook friends have no idea that I pick Jesus if I don't share that. Not even if I just shared my favorite Bible verse two minutes ago, or told everyone that God answered my prayer.
My Facebook friends don't know that I'm a Christian if I don't share that. Not even if I was sitting in church next to them yesterday. Not even if they came to me with a prayer request and I prayed for them.
My Facebook friends haven't the slightest idea that I serve God if I don't share that. Not even if I show them His love.
Or, maybe I'm not a Christian.
My Facebook friends have no idea that I don't pick Jesus, as long as I share that. Not even if I cussed at the slow driver who had no idea where they were. Not even if I go along with bullying that already bullied enough girl.
My Facebook friends don't know that I'm not a Christian if I share that. Not even if just three seconds ago I posted on my Facebook something about how God doesn't exist.
My Facebook friends haven't the slightest idea that I don't serve God, if I share that. Not even if I cheat on my test with no remorse. Not even if I continually talk about people behind their backs.
As long as I share that little cartoon...I'm a Christian. It doesn't matter how I live. It doesn't matter what I do. All I have to do is share that little cartoon.
After all, in the KSV (Katie Standard Version), in Heresy 2:6 it says "Whosoever shareth the cartoon Jesus shall be saved."
And over in the book of Falsehood, chapter nine, it says, "They who share not the cartoon Jesus choose in their hearts, not only cartoon Satan, but the true Satan. These too shall have their place in the Lake of Fire."
And if you go on to the Song of Deception, chapter 6, verse 8, it says, "For God so loved the world that he gave the cartoon Jesus that whosever shareth on Facebook shall not perish, but have everlasting life."
And later on in the chapter, verse 19, Jesus says, "I and cartoon Jesus are one."
So. Obviously the way to be saved and to prove to the world that I am saved is to share this cartoon. And all along, I thought that the way to be saved was to "believe on the Lord Jesus Christ" and to prove to the world that I am saved was to "love one another as [Jesus] loved [me]."
After all, in the KSV (Katie Standard Version), in Heresy 2:6 it says "Whosoever shareth the cartoon Jesus shall be saved."
And over in the book of Falsehood, chapter nine, it says, "They who share not the cartoon Jesus choose in their hearts, not only cartoon Satan, but the true Satan. These too shall have their place in the Lake of Fire."
And if you go on to the Song of Deception, chapter 6, verse 8, it says, "For God so loved the world that he gave the cartoon Jesus that whosever shareth on Facebook shall not perish, but have everlasting life."
And later on in the chapter, verse 19, Jesus says, "I and cartoon Jesus are one."
So. Obviously the way to be saved and to prove to the world that I am saved is to share this cartoon. And all along, I thought that the way to be saved was to "believe on the Lord Jesus Christ" and to prove to the world that I am saved was to "love one another as [Jesus] loved [me]."
Saturday, May 21, 2016
My After High School Plans
If any of you have ever been a high school senior or a high school graduate, I'm sure you've been asked over and over and over and over...and OVER... "So...what are your plans after high school?" And, "What are you doing next year?" And, "Have you decided what you're going to be out in the real world?"
Well, for one, calling life after high school the "real world" is ridiculous, but that's for another rant/blog post. And for two...getting asked those questions over and over and over and over and over and over and--oops, got stuck typing the same thing...gets annoying.
SO! To answer that question, I have decided to take to my blog. And if you read my blog...please don't ask me again in person! I'm begging you!
My plans for after high school:
I will be attending a college in an undisclosed location in order to become a bear. My major will be in hibernation, with a minor of circus bear.
This college is one of the top bear colleges in the USA and is highly recommended by graduate Smoky Bear, a wildlife preserver, known for his saying, "Remember, only you can prevent wildfires." They have many classes, ranging from History of Bears, Bears Around the World, Bears in Bible Times, Beary Berry Picking, Salmon Fishing, Salmon Selling...and on and on and on.
Besides classes, they have several different majors. Hibernation, Fishing, Circus Bear, Bear Fighter, Wildlife Preservation Bear...and the list continues.
I am currently waiting for my paperwork to come back. I am getting a free ride with the "Most Imaginative Mind" scholarship.
However, if I ever get tired of my chosen major and minor, I may return to a human college, where I plan to major in education. Most likely elementary and/or special. I will of course take a music class, because I love music.
My minor is still undecided, but probably not underwater basketweaving.
So, there you have it. That is my plan for after high school!
~Katie
Well, for one, calling life after high school the "real world" is ridiculous, but that's for another rant/blog post. And for two...getting asked those questions over and over and over and over and over and over and--oops, got stuck typing the same thing...gets annoying.
SO! To answer that question, I have decided to take to my blog. And if you read my blog...please don't ask me again in person! I'm begging you!
My plans for after high school:
I will be attending a college in an undisclosed location in order to become a bear. My major will be in hibernation, with a minor of circus bear.
This college is one of the top bear colleges in the USA and is highly recommended by graduate Smoky Bear, a wildlife preserver, known for his saying, "Remember, only you can prevent wildfires." They have many classes, ranging from History of Bears, Bears Around the World, Bears in Bible Times, Beary Berry Picking, Salmon Fishing, Salmon Selling...and on and on and on.
Besides classes, they have several different majors. Hibernation, Fishing, Circus Bear, Bear Fighter, Wildlife Preservation Bear...and the list continues.
I am currently waiting for my paperwork to come back. I am getting a free ride with the "Most Imaginative Mind" scholarship.
However, if I ever get tired of my chosen major and minor, I may return to a human college, where I plan to major in education. Most likely elementary and/or special. I will of course take a music class, because I love music.
My minor is still undecided, but probably not underwater basketweaving.
So, there you have it. That is my plan for after high school!
~Katie
Saturday, April 9, 2016
Let's Get Personal
**WARNING** This may be triggering for anyone who deals with depression, suicidal thoughts, and/or self-harm issues. Please read at your own discretion and if it becomes triggering, please do not continue reading. I do not want to be the cause of someone's relapse.
Now that that's out of the way.
Wednesday night, we were reading in Romans 12 and he picked out verse three. "For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith."
He took this verse and said that in today's age, it's all about, "think good about yourself!" but that he believes people should have an accurate self image, which, yeah, they should! But that lead to talking about depression.
He said that if a person is struggling with depression, it is usually because they aren't focusing on God, on Jesus, but on themselves. That was a slap in the face. A knife in the gut. To hear a person that I trust and respect say something like that. Because that is just not true. Maybe in some cases, but not the 99% of depression cases that he went on to say, after I said I disagreed.
But, the more I thought later, the more I realized, "He's just never dealt with depression." Yeah, sure, everyone's been depressed. But what kind of depression? The "Oh, my boyfriend broke up with me" depression that lasts a few weeks? The "Yikes, we don't have enough money for ____" depression that lasts until you get your bills covered? Or the, "I have no idea why, but I feel worthless and alone, like no one really cares" depression that lasts for months...for years.
That last depression...what even causes that, really? I don't know. But I've lived with it pretty much my whole life, hitting really hard when I was around 11-12ish. By my youth pastor's saying, I just quit focusing on God and was focusing only on myself. But that doesn't even make sense! I was reading my Bible every night. I was involved in AWANA. I went to church every Sunday, morning and night! I was focusing on God.
I remember the first time I was depressed all day, and not just for a little bit. I was around twelve and all day long, nothing mattered. I didn't know why. I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know what, or what to call it. But nothing mattered. It didn't matter what I did, I didn't matter, just nothing mattered. All. Day. Long. I felt that way the entire day. I felt like God had abandoned me. And that was just one day! The only reason I had to believe that God hadn't abandoned me was Hebrews 13:5. "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." Didn't make my depression go away....
It only disappeared if I was really busy. That's the only time it really left for any amount of time. I was at youth camp and for the most part I was okay, except for one night. And that was the year I was thirteen. The rest of the years I've went, it's happened a whole lot more.
With my depression, my anxiety, which I've dealt with a lot more severely, although I also didn't know what to call it got worse. If you put those two together, you have basically a very poisonous mixture and it is inside you. You have yourself feeling worthless, like nothing matters, like you don't matter, it doesn't matter what you do it just doesn't matter. Then, on top of that, you have a little voice inside you, whispering to you, telling you "Don't tell anyone! They won't believe you! They won't care! They'll just hurt you!" You have nowhere to go. No one to turn to. That's what your own mind is telling you. Every. Single. Day.
I tried to ask my family for help once. I think I was around fourteen. I posted a blog post on our family blog (closed, so don't even try to look for it), telling how I felt, all but begging for help. Wanna know the response I got? My aunt told me it was just teenage hormones (because they make you go from perfectly fine to begging God to kill you, right?). My grandma told me to just trust Jesus. I wanted to scream, "Can't you tell I'm trying?!" But I didn't. But ever since then, I have never, and will never, go to them for help or support.
I'm eighteen now. I have had depression living in me trying to control me strongly for six years. I've had anxiety that strong for about as long. But when I look back, I was depressed and anxious even when I was little.
When I was 6-7, I was at a church dinner, holding my doll and watching the boys play basketball from between two trees that were great to lean between. My pastor's wife asked me if she could take my picture, because apparently I looked cute and I said sure, because why not. It was a black and white picture and she gave it to my grandparents who still have it. Do you wanna know why I was there? It because I was anxious. I wanted to ask if I could play basketball with them (I had no idea how, and still have no idea how), but I was scared.
I fight almost every day with my anxiety. Thankfully my depression occasionally takes a respite...but it always, always comes back and while it's gone, if it's been gone for a long time, I get scared that it's coming back soon.
It's not because I'm not trusting or focusing on God. If you want to know the truth, he's on my mind quite a lot. Half the time, I have to coach myself through things and pray for help for things that are easy for other people. Like...going up to someone and asking if I can sit by them. Or having someone sit by me. Or deal while people are making weird, repetitive, annoying noises. Or even just having a car drive by me while I'm on my rollerblades!
This isn't a situational thing! Yeah, it gets way worse through situations sometimes, but this, for me, is not a situational thing! This isn't because I'm not trusting God, or focusing on Him! I don't know why this is!
No, I can't fault my youth pastor for not understanding something that he doesn't live with, or that he hasn't dealt with. But I can post about what I go through, and maybe it will help others understand. And just so you know, I have written a letter to give to my youth pastor tomorrow, that has some of this and a few other things in it, so that maybe it will help him understand what "depression" means to someone who lives with it daily.
~Katie
Now that that's out of the way.
Wednesday night, we were reading in Romans 12 and he picked out verse three. "For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith."
He took this verse and said that in today's age, it's all about, "think good about yourself!" but that he believes people should have an accurate self image, which, yeah, they should! But that lead to talking about depression.
He said that if a person is struggling with depression, it is usually because they aren't focusing on God, on Jesus, but on themselves. That was a slap in the face. A knife in the gut. To hear a person that I trust and respect say something like that. Because that is just not true. Maybe in some cases, but not the 99% of depression cases that he went on to say, after I said I disagreed.
But, the more I thought later, the more I realized, "He's just never dealt with depression." Yeah, sure, everyone's been depressed. But what kind of depression? The "Oh, my boyfriend broke up with me" depression that lasts a few weeks? The "Yikes, we don't have enough money for ____" depression that lasts until you get your bills covered? Or the, "I have no idea why, but I feel worthless and alone, like no one really cares" depression that lasts for months...for years.
That last depression...what even causes that, really? I don't know. But I've lived with it pretty much my whole life, hitting really hard when I was around 11-12ish. By my youth pastor's saying, I just quit focusing on God and was focusing only on myself. But that doesn't even make sense! I was reading my Bible every night. I was involved in AWANA. I went to church every Sunday, morning and night! I was focusing on God.
I remember the first time I was depressed all day, and not just for a little bit. I was around twelve and all day long, nothing mattered. I didn't know why. I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know what, or what to call it. But nothing mattered. It didn't matter what I did, I didn't matter, just nothing mattered. All. Day. Long. I felt that way the entire day. I felt like God had abandoned me. And that was just one day! The only reason I had to believe that God hadn't abandoned me was Hebrews 13:5. "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." Didn't make my depression go away....
It only disappeared if I was really busy. That's the only time it really left for any amount of time. I was at youth camp and for the most part I was okay, except for one night. And that was the year I was thirteen. The rest of the years I've went, it's happened a whole lot more.
With my depression, my anxiety, which I've dealt with a lot more severely, although I also didn't know what to call it got worse. If you put those two together, you have basically a very poisonous mixture and it is inside you. You have yourself feeling worthless, like nothing matters, like you don't matter, it doesn't matter what you do it just doesn't matter. Then, on top of that, you have a little voice inside you, whispering to you, telling you "Don't tell anyone! They won't believe you! They won't care! They'll just hurt you!" You have nowhere to go. No one to turn to. That's what your own mind is telling you. Every. Single. Day.
I tried to ask my family for help once. I think I was around fourteen. I posted a blog post on our family blog (closed, so don't even try to look for it), telling how I felt, all but begging for help. Wanna know the response I got? My aunt told me it was just teenage hormones (because they make you go from perfectly fine to begging God to kill you, right?). My grandma told me to just trust Jesus. I wanted to scream, "Can't you tell I'm trying?!" But I didn't. But ever since then, I have never, and will never, go to them for help or support.
I'm eighteen now. I have had depression living in me trying to control me strongly for six years. I've had anxiety that strong for about as long. But when I look back, I was depressed and anxious even when I was little.
When I was 6-7, I was at a church dinner, holding my doll and watching the boys play basketball from between two trees that were great to lean between. My pastor's wife asked me if she could take my picture, because apparently I looked cute and I said sure, because why not. It was a black and white picture and she gave it to my grandparents who still have it. Do you wanna know why I was there? It because I was anxious. I wanted to ask if I could play basketball with them (I had no idea how, and still have no idea how), but I was scared.
I fight almost every day with my anxiety. Thankfully my depression occasionally takes a respite...but it always, always comes back and while it's gone, if it's been gone for a long time, I get scared that it's coming back soon.
It's not because I'm not trusting or focusing on God. If you want to know the truth, he's on my mind quite a lot. Half the time, I have to coach myself through things and pray for help for things that are easy for other people. Like...going up to someone and asking if I can sit by them. Or having someone sit by me. Or deal while people are making weird, repetitive, annoying noises. Or even just having a car drive by me while I'm on my rollerblades!
This isn't a situational thing! Yeah, it gets way worse through situations sometimes, but this, for me, is not a situational thing! This isn't because I'm not trusting God, or focusing on Him! I don't know why this is!
No, I can't fault my youth pastor for not understanding something that he doesn't live with, or that he hasn't dealt with. But I can post about what I go through, and maybe it will help others understand. And just so you know, I have written a letter to give to my youth pastor tomorrow, that has some of this and a few other things in it, so that maybe it will help him understand what "depression" means to someone who lives with it daily.
~Katie
Tuesday, April 5, 2016
Letter to My Cousins
Dear Norma, Justin, Jaylee, Reilly, Adam, Jade, Lyric, and Skylar,
Some of you won't need part of this letter for a long time and some of you won't need part of this letter ever. Some of you may not understand this letter until you're older, but that is okay.
First off...I love you. I'm an awkward, strange human, and I'm scared of losing you, so sometimes I push you away, and for that, I'm sorry.
Second off...please listen to this, and actually listen, because maybe if someone had told me something like this and I had listened, then I would have saved myself a ton of hurt.
Don't ever date a guy unless you have been his best friend first. And actually his best friend. If you started out the friendship kind of liking him, don't date him, because it most likely will not last. Also, never ever let a guy push you at all! In any way, shape or form. And if he does start to push you, dump his sorry butt, because he most likely will not change.
If a guy ever wants to keep your relationship secret, don't date him, because either he isn't allowed to date, or it's a tactic that abusive people use, where they isolate you from your friends. Besides, if we're being honest, sometimes it's really nice to talk to your friends about your boyfriend sometimes.
If you are ever depressed (extremely sad, angry at yourself, especially with no apparent reason), anxious (extremely worried, for no real reason), or are even really happy about a random thing...it's okay to talk to me about that. In fact, I'd love for you to talk to me about it, because then I can do my best to help you.
If you ever feel like you don't matter or that you aren't worth anything, listen to me now: YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH! You are worth a ton to me and you are worth even more to God. If you ever feel like no one really loves you, come talk to me and I will do everything in my power to make sure you know I love you.
If anyone is ever hurting you or someone you love, come talk to me! If I can't help get you and/or them out of the place that's making them hurt, I will at least try.
If you ever need prayers, ask me.
If you ever need a hug, my arms are open.
If you ever need food, come on over. No promises that we'll have food you like, but we'll have food.
If you've just found an awesome new song (even if it's several years old) and you want to share it, send me a link!
If you ever have a secret, you can tell me and I won't spill it. The only way I would spill your secret is if it would hurt you or someone else.
Please, please, please know that I love you. I love you a ton and I want to make sure you're safe and happy.
Love,
Your cousin, Katie.
Some of you won't need part of this letter for a long time and some of you won't need part of this letter ever. Some of you may not understand this letter until you're older, but that is okay.
First off...I love you. I'm an awkward, strange human, and I'm scared of losing you, so sometimes I push you away, and for that, I'm sorry.
Second off...please listen to this, and actually listen, because maybe if someone had told me something like this and I had listened, then I would have saved myself a ton of hurt.
Don't ever date a guy unless you have been his best friend first. And actually his best friend. If you started out the friendship kind of liking him, don't date him, because it most likely will not last. Also, never ever let a guy push you at all! In any way, shape or form. And if he does start to push you, dump his sorry butt, because he most likely will not change.
If a guy ever wants to keep your relationship secret, don't date him, because either he isn't allowed to date, or it's a tactic that abusive people use, where they isolate you from your friends. Besides, if we're being honest, sometimes it's really nice to talk to your friends about your boyfriend sometimes.
If you are ever depressed (extremely sad, angry at yourself, especially with no apparent reason), anxious (extremely worried, for no real reason), or are even really happy about a random thing...it's okay to talk to me about that. In fact, I'd love for you to talk to me about it, because then I can do my best to help you.
If you ever feel like you don't matter or that you aren't worth anything, listen to me now: YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH! You are worth a ton to me and you are worth even more to God. If you ever feel like no one really loves you, come talk to me and I will do everything in my power to make sure you know I love you.
If anyone is ever hurting you or someone you love, come talk to me! If I can't help get you and/or them out of the place that's making them hurt, I will at least try.
If you ever need prayers, ask me.
If you ever need a hug, my arms are open.
If you ever need food, come on over. No promises that we'll have food you like, but we'll have food.
If you've just found an awesome new song (even if it's several years old) and you want to share it, send me a link!
If you ever have a secret, you can tell me and I won't spill it. The only way I would spill your secret is if it would hurt you or someone else.
Please, please, please know that I love you. I love you a ton and I want to make sure you're safe and happy.
Love,
Your cousin, Katie.
Thursday, March 31, 2016
God's Love
I was going to go to bed, but no, I brushed my teeth, and the mint invigorated me and a thought that's been floating around in my head for forever was finally like, "Katie, you have got to write that like...now...I don't care how late it is, write it. It'll never come out right if you try to write it later", so here I am.
Let's start at the beginning...like...the very beginning. My dad. My dad was barely around when I was little. He missed visits. There is documented proof that he missed visits, because there are pictures in the scrapbook of my grandparents taking me to the park, because my dad didn't show up for his visit. Looking back, I really appreciate them doing that. Then he died when I was four...so there was no more chance of visits.
There are people who say that children, male or female, who grow up without a father figure, or with an abusive father figure, often project that onto God...which makes sense, as he is our Heavenly Father. Now I'll go on a bit, before I hit my main point.
I haven't had the best of experiences with males. Of my exes, only one of them treated me well before, during and after our relationship...the rest were close to abusive, if not abusive, manipulative, or just ignored me during our relationship, because, "there's less to talk about when you're dating."
And now we come to my current boyfriend. Jacob. When I went through my last breakup...he was there for me. If he hadn't been there, I'm not sure I would have ever recovered from the relationship at all. Not the breakup, because that was the best part of the relationship, but the actual relationship.
Later, when my ex from that breakup got jealous and said that I was trying to steal his friends (our mutual friends that he had introduced me to, Jacob included), they all left. Except for one. Jacob stayed. He was there when I was crying because Tyler wouldn't even message me back. He was there for me when I was upset because Josh refused to even talk about what was going on. He stayed.
He's my best friend. He accepts me the way that I am...strong, weak, brave, scared, weird,normal (I'm not normal, so forget that). Sure, he makes fun of me...but that's because we're friends and we tease each other. Yeah, I still glare at him.
How does any of this tie into God's love?
Like I mentioned earlier, people say that how a child views their father is how they view God. When I was younger, I always thought, "Wow, I'm lucky, I'm not like that!" But the older I get, the more I realize that is how I view God. I have to be good...I have to make sure I never make him mad, or disappoint him, because then he might leave me. He might get tired of me. He'll view me as something he doesn't want or need. Why would he need me? There are plenty of other people in the world. Hey, I bet some of them are even redheads named Katie!
To protect myself for when I do disappoint him, because I know I will, I close myself off from him and refuse to fully let myself feel his love. His eternal, unending, everlasting love. I do that, because if I don't let myself feel it...it won't hurt when he withdraws it. The human mind is screwed up, just sayin'.
But...when I talk to Jacob...when I annoy him by saying sorry too much, he doesn't leave. When I forget to text back, he doesn't get mad. When we disagree, he doesn't abandon me. When I'm scared or sad, he supports me. And do you want to know something? I don't understand it! I have no comprehension of the kind of love he shows me. I'm used to being a temporary part of people's lives...something that they can easily remove if it ever gets too hard to be my friend...or someone who is easy to drift away from.
The more I look at our relationship, and our love, especially his love toward me...the more I look at God and go, "Wait, is this what our relationship is supposed to look like?" And I can guarantee you, if the Bible is accurate, God loves me a whole lot more than Jacob does! I've also heard that the romantic relationship between a husband and a wife is supposed to kind of be an analogy of a person's relationship with God and I know that Jacob and I aren't married, but we're the closest I've ever been to marriage.
In my dating, romantic relationship...I'm learning about God's love...by the way my boyfriend loves me. The way he treats me. His kindness. His gentleness. And even though I sometimes have a hard time accepting my boyfriend's love (just ask him), he's showing me the way God loves me...and I'm learning. I'm learning to open up to the fullness of, not just Jacob's love, but God's love. And I will be forever thankful for that.
~Katie
Let's start at the beginning...like...the very beginning. My dad. My dad was barely around when I was little. He missed visits. There is documented proof that he missed visits, because there are pictures in the scrapbook of my grandparents taking me to the park, because my dad didn't show up for his visit. Looking back, I really appreciate them doing that. Then he died when I was four...so there was no more chance of visits.
There are people who say that children, male or female, who grow up without a father figure, or with an abusive father figure, often project that onto God...which makes sense, as he is our Heavenly Father. Now I'll go on a bit, before I hit my main point.
I haven't had the best of experiences with males. Of my exes, only one of them treated me well before, during and after our relationship...the rest were close to abusive, if not abusive, manipulative, or just ignored me during our relationship, because, "there's less to talk about when you're dating."
And now we come to my current boyfriend. Jacob. When I went through my last breakup...he was there for me. If he hadn't been there, I'm not sure I would have ever recovered from the relationship at all. Not the breakup, because that was the best part of the relationship, but the actual relationship.
Later, when my ex from that breakup got jealous and said that I was trying to steal his friends (our mutual friends that he had introduced me to, Jacob included), they all left. Except for one. Jacob stayed. He was there when I was crying because Tyler wouldn't even message me back. He was there for me when I was upset because Josh refused to even talk about what was going on. He stayed.
He's my best friend. He accepts me the way that I am...strong, weak, brave, scared, weird,
How does any of this tie into God's love?
Like I mentioned earlier, people say that how a child views their father is how they view God. When I was younger, I always thought, "Wow, I'm lucky, I'm not like that!" But the older I get, the more I realize that is how I view God. I have to be good...I have to make sure I never make him mad, or disappoint him, because then he might leave me. He might get tired of me. He'll view me as something he doesn't want or need. Why would he need me? There are plenty of other people in the world. Hey, I bet some of them are even redheads named Katie!
To protect myself for when I do disappoint him, because I know I will, I close myself off from him and refuse to fully let myself feel his love. His eternal, unending, everlasting love. I do that, because if I don't let myself feel it...it won't hurt when he withdraws it. The human mind is screwed up, just sayin'.
But...when I talk to Jacob...when I annoy him by saying sorry too much, he doesn't leave. When I forget to text back, he doesn't get mad. When we disagree, he doesn't abandon me. When I'm scared or sad, he supports me. And do you want to know something? I don't understand it! I have no comprehension of the kind of love he shows me. I'm used to being a temporary part of people's lives...something that they can easily remove if it ever gets too hard to be my friend...or someone who is easy to drift away from.
The more I look at our relationship, and our love, especially his love toward me...the more I look at God and go, "Wait, is this what our relationship is supposed to look like?" And I can guarantee you, if the Bible is accurate, God loves me a whole lot more than Jacob does! I've also heard that the romantic relationship between a husband and a wife is supposed to kind of be an analogy of a person's relationship with God and I know that Jacob and I aren't married, but we're the closest I've ever been to marriage.
In my dating, romantic relationship...I'm learning about God's love...by the way my boyfriend loves me. The way he treats me. His kindness. His gentleness. And even though I sometimes have a hard time accepting my boyfriend's love (just ask him), he's showing me the way God loves me...and I'm learning. I'm learning to open up to the fullness of, not just Jacob's love, but God's love. And I will be forever thankful for that.
~Katie
Sunday, March 13, 2016
The Fatherless
In church songs I hear, and Bible verses that are quoted, it often instructs the church to care for the widows and the fatherless. Widows = women whose husbands have died. Fatherless = Children (male or female) whose fathers have died. But...sometimes I wonder...do people really care about that? Do people really understand what that means?
In Bible times, a widow had very few options. Remarry as quickly as possible, go into prostitution...die...if they hadn't borne a child by their first husband and he had an unmarried brother, they were to marry that brother and attempt to have children by that brother, in honor of her husband. But the point is, unless a widow had a son to care for her, she was kinda...um...in trouble. Hence why when Jesus is on the cross, he tells his disciple, John, that Mary is now John's mother. In other words: TAKE CARE OF MY MOTHER BECAUSE SHE'S A WIDOW AND I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE!
Now, someone could look at these scriptures and say that because of all the opportunities there are for a widow and her fatherless children, they don't need to help out anymore. Say what?! Um...no? Does the Bible say, "Take care of the widows and fatherless, UNTIL the 20th-21st century"? Nope. And they still need cared for.
Do you have any idea how hard it is for a single parent (male or female) to care for children? Pretty stinkin' hard, just letting you know.
The role of both mother and father is placed on a widow. She must protect her daughter from dangers and potential boyfriends, teach her how to take care of her changing body, give her food, water, pay for schooling, mother her, and so much more all at once. While doing this, she also has to pay all of the bills herself. Did you catch that? Herself. AND keep up with housework. AND keep up with yard work. Sounds like a pretty heavy load.
As a girl who is half fatherless (I say half, because Doug isn't my dad, but he's not not my dad, and I know full well what it feels like to grow up in a home without a father), I can tell you, it's not easy for the mother OR the daughter. Especially when at times it seems like members of the church care less about helping, and more about telling someone how to run their life.
I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but my mom homeschooled me. She also worked as a bus driver. Do you know why? So that she could have an active part in my life, instead of shipping me off to schools and babysitters, where she would get to see me maybe an hour a day during the week!
But she also had to keep up with housework and yard work. Something many of you may not know about my mom is that she is allergic to grass. Which means mowing is hard to impossible for her to do and remain healthy. That means that it fell on me, because most of the time when she'd ask someone for help, they would say that she could do it, or that I could do it. And yeah, I could do it fine...until one day I tried to mow and I couldn't breathe. Turns out I've inherited my mom's grass issues.
My momma worked her tail off. And I don't think I helped as much as I probably could have and should have.
The thing is...these same church members who didn't seem to care (they may have, it just didn't seem that way), like us a whole lot better now that we have Doug.... So now that they aren't obligated by the Bible to care for us, they like us better. And I just don't get that.
Sometimes, all it takes to help is maybe just coming over and helping clean up, or offering to mow the lawn, or even just talking and being a listening ear can help. I know that there was a family my mom and I visited a lot, and they couldn't help much, but that was my mom's listening ear.
To those of you who are widows/fatherless YOU ARE NOT ALONE! And if you need anything, I will do my best to help. To those of you who have the abilities to help those who ARE widows and fatherless...get up off your butt and actually help them, instead of coming up with excuses as to why they can help themselves.
This rant is over.
~Katie
In Bible times, a widow had very few options. Remarry as quickly as possible, go into prostitution...die...if they hadn't borne a child by their first husband and he had an unmarried brother, they were to marry that brother and attempt to have children by that brother, in honor of her husband. But the point is, unless a widow had a son to care for her, she was kinda...um...in trouble. Hence why when Jesus is on the cross, he tells his disciple, John, that Mary is now John's mother. In other words: TAKE CARE OF MY MOTHER BECAUSE SHE'S A WIDOW AND I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE!
Now, someone could look at these scriptures and say that because of all the opportunities there are for a widow and her fatherless children, they don't need to help out anymore. Say what?! Um...no? Does the Bible say, "Take care of the widows and fatherless, UNTIL the 20th-21st century"? Nope. And they still need cared for.
Do you have any idea how hard it is for a single parent (male or female) to care for children? Pretty stinkin' hard, just letting you know.
The role of both mother and father is placed on a widow. She must protect her daughter from dangers and potential boyfriends, teach her how to take care of her changing body, give her food, water, pay for schooling, mother her, and so much more all at once. While doing this, she also has to pay all of the bills herself. Did you catch that? Herself. AND keep up with housework. AND keep up with yard work. Sounds like a pretty heavy load.
As a girl who is half fatherless (I say half, because Doug isn't my dad, but he's not not my dad, and I know full well what it feels like to grow up in a home without a father), I can tell you, it's not easy for the mother OR the daughter. Especially when at times it seems like members of the church care less about helping, and more about telling someone how to run their life.
I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but my mom homeschooled me. She also worked as a bus driver. Do you know why? So that she could have an active part in my life, instead of shipping me off to schools and babysitters, where she would get to see me maybe an hour a day during the week!
But she also had to keep up with housework and yard work. Something many of you may not know about my mom is that she is allergic to grass. Which means mowing is hard to impossible for her to do and remain healthy. That means that it fell on me, because most of the time when she'd ask someone for help, they would say that she could do it, or that I could do it. And yeah, I could do it fine...until one day I tried to mow and I couldn't breathe. Turns out I've inherited my mom's grass issues.
My momma worked her tail off. And I don't think I helped as much as I probably could have and should have.
The thing is...these same church members who didn't seem to care (they may have, it just didn't seem that way), like us a whole lot better now that we have Doug.... So now that they aren't obligated by the Bible to care for us, they like us better. And I just don't get that.
Sometimes, all it takes to help is maybe just coming over and helping clean up, or offering to mow the lawn, or even just talking and being a listening ear can help. I know that there was a family my mom and I visited a lot, and they couldn't help much, but that was my mom's listening ear.
To those of you who are widows/fatherless YOU ARE NOT ALONE! And if you need anything, I will do my best to help. To those of you who have the abilities to help those who ARE widows and fatherless...get up off your butt and actually help them, instead of coming up with excuses as to why they can help themselves.
This rant is over.
~Katie
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
Modern Education
Let me take this moment to just say that our modern education system is messed up. Seriously! I saw a video on Facebook of this girl crying because of school and saying she just wanted to give up and be a stripper. I don't know, maybe she made that video for laughs, but there are other students who feel the exact same way she at least pretended to feel.
I don't like school. That may be a shock to some people, but it's true. I don't like school. I like learning. I hate when people think that learning and school are the same thing. They so aren't. I love learning, actually. I tolerate school, because right now, that's the best place for me to go to learn things.
But so much weighs upon a person, especially a high school student, while they're at school. Students are pressured to make good grades, so they can go to a good college, so they can get a good degree and get a good job. College is pushed so hard that it could turn someone off to the idea of college.
But then you also have students who work. There's a student at my school, who lives alone and supports himself. While also being the right hand man of the FBLA (Future Business Leaders of America) sponsor. He's tired a lot. Why? Because he's feeding himself, clothing himself, keeping his apartment paid for and still working to get good grades so he can go to college and go into a career with Google someday, by working his way up. After Google, he plans to go into politics.
There are students that are involved in sports and music and plays half of the clubs at the school, because those are the things they enjoy, but they also have to keep up with their grades.
And school itself isn't a bad thing, but what is is all the classes that students are required to take. A student only gets to choose three electives. Three. That's three things that they personally want to learn about and that they personally can choose to learn about.
Is an advanced Algebra class, for someone who barely understands Algebra1, who wants to be an English teacher really needed for them and their career? Stop telling students, "Oh, you'll need it later in life, no matter your career", without telling them why or in what situation. We're big kids. Give us the real reasons.
Is an English class really necessary for a student who plans to go into a computer engineer career? If so, tell them why, don't just say "because you need it", "because you'll use it in life", "because you need to be well rounded". Give them a real reason, please!
And the worst part for me is seeing all of the posters up for the state testing. Posters saying things about unlocking your potential, and doing great...what about the kid that bombs it? Has that student not reached their true potential, just because they bombed that test? Has that student...failed? Failed at life, failed at school, just flat out failed?
No! Because those tests prove nothing. They prove how book smart a person is. They prove how well a person is at tests. They prove how fast someone can read. They don't prove that this kid is good at singing, or that even though this kid reads slow, they remember and understand everything they read. It doesn't say anything about how this kid treats others. It doesn't tell anyone that this student is really good at computer programing.
Those tests only state...how well you did on that test.
Why not let students learn about things they want to learn about? Maybe a student does want to take all of those classes. Maybe a student actually likes working with imaginary numbers. Maybe there's a student who actually kind of likes picking apart sentences and sentence structure.
Why not give classes on book publishing, video game making, hey, maybe even intro classes for teaching! I get that it could get kind of expensive. But at least get the kids where they love to learn. Because then they can go out with their own initiative and find the things they want to learn about on the internet, with the teacher's guidance if they get stuck or need help. That's kind of what PBL (Project Based Learning) is. That's why I like PBL.
I honestly don't think that there are any students who would go ahead and have school, even if school was cancelled. I read a book once, when I was younger, called The Secret School, by AVI. It was about this one room school house school that got cancelled because the teacher either died, or got sick or had a death in the family, I don't remember which, and a fourteen year old girl, one of the smartest in the school, took the role as teacher, to ensure that people were still learning. Because they liked to learn.
I guess...school isn't really the problem, it's just that students don't like learning anymore. And probably because it's been shoved down their throats that they have to learn and they have to learn this and they have to learn it this way and that if they don't do well with their learning, they're not smart and have failed.
And this has gotten really really long, so I'll just end it now.
~Katie
I don't like school. That may be a shock to some people, but it's true. I don't like school. I like learning. I hate when people think that learning and school are the same thing. They so aren't. I love learning, actually. I tolerate school, because right now, that's the best place for me to go to learn things.
But so much weighs upon a person, especially a high school student, while they're at school. Students are pressured to make good grades, so they can go to a good college, so they can get a good degree and get a good job. College is pushed so hard that it could turn someone off to the idea of college.
But then you also have students who work. There's a student at my school, who lives alone and supports himself. While also being the right hand man of the FBLA (Future Business Leaders of America) sponsor. He's tired a lot. Why? Because he's feeding himself, clothing himself, keeping his apartment paid for and still working to get good grades so he can go to college and go into a career with Google someday, by working his way up. After Google, he plans to go into politics.
There are students that are involved in sports and music and plays half of the clubs at the school, because those are the things they enjoy, but they also have to keep up with their grades.
And school itself isn't a bad thing, but what is is all the classes that students are required to take. A student only gets to choose three electives. Three. That's three things that they personally want to learn about and that they personally can choose to learn about.
Is an advanced Algebra class, for someone who barely understands Algebra1, who wants to be an English teacher really needed for them and their career? Stop telling students, "Oh, you'll need it later in life, no matter your career", without telling them why or in what situation. We're big kids. Give us the real reasons.
Is an English class really necessary for a student who plans to go into a computer engineer career? If so, tell them why, don't just say "because you need it", "because you'll use it in life", "because you need to be well rounded". Give them a real reason, please!
And the worst part for me is seeing all of the posters up for the state testing. Posters saying things about unlocking your potential, and doing great...what about the kid that bombs it? Has that student not reached their true potential, just because they bombed that test? Has that student...failed? Failed at life, failed at school, just flat out failed?
No! Because those tests prove nothing. They prove how book smart a person is. They prove how well a person is at tests. They prove how fast someone can read. They don't prove that this kid is good at singing, or that even though this kid reads slow, they remember and understand everything they read. It doesn't say anything about how this kid treats others. It doesn't tell anyone that this student is really good at computer programing.
Those tests only state...how well you did on that test.
Why not let students learn about things they want to learn about? Maybe a student does want to take all of those classes. Maybe a student actually likes working with imaginary numbers. Maybe there's a student who actually kind of likes picking apart sentences and sentence structure.
Why not give classes on book publishing, video game making, hey, maybe even intro classes for teaching! I get that it could get kind of expensive. But at least get the kids where they love to learn. Because then they can go out with their own initiative and find the things they want to learn about on the internet, with the teacher's guidance if they get stuck or need help. That's kind of what PBL (Project Based Learning) is. That's why I like PBL.
I honestly don't think that there are any students who would go ahead and have school, even if school was cancelled. I read a book once, when I was younger, called The Secret School, by AVI. It was about this one room school house school that got cancelled because the teacher either died, or got sick or had a death in the family, I don't remember which, and a fourteen year old girl, one of the smartest in the school, took the role as teacher, to ensure that people were still learning. Because they liked to learn.
I guess...school isn't really the problem, it's just that students don't like learning anymore. And probably because it's been shoved down their throats that they have to learn and they have to learn this and they have to learn it this way and that if they don't do well with their learning, they're not smart and have failed.
And this has gotten really really long, so I'll just end it now.
~Katie
Monday, February 29, 2016
I Don't Eat Brownies
Yeah, you read that right. I don't eat brownies. No, I don't have a chocolate allergy. No, I don't dislike them, but I don't eat them. I also don't eat chocolate cake. I have nothing against these two things, or anyone who likes and/or eats them. But I myself don't eat them. Why? Am I crazy? Yes, but that's not what's influencing this.
When I was...oh, I don't know, around nine, ten at the most, I had bought and eaten a big piece of chocolate cake/brownie from WalMart, while my grandma was taking me to go pick up my cousin Norma, so we could hang out...and on the way there, I felt sick. Too much chocolate cake/brownie. I felt like I was going to hurl.
I'm pretty sure that no one likes to puke...but I can't handle it at all. It's...it's really bad. I was laying in the backseat, because I felt so sick. I don't have motion sickness and the food I ate was the only thing that could have caused that. In my despair, I started praying, "God, please don't let me puke!" Then, I took it a bit further, "God, if you keep me from puking, I won't eat anymore chocolate cake or brownie!"
Maybe that was a stupid promise on my part. But it was a promise. And it was a promise to God. I don't know about you, but if you make a promise, you'd better keep it...and if you make a promise to God, you'd better double keep it!
Well, I didn't puke. And I was extremely relieved by that. And, because of the promise I made, I don't eat chocolate cake or brownies. Had I puked, I would still eat chocolate cake and brownies, because...well...I like chocolate cake and brownies. I really do. But I don't eat them, because I made a deal with Someone, and since they held up their end of the deal, I'm holding up mine.
Yeah, you can say, "Oh, but you were just a little kid!" ...your point? "Let your yes be yes, and your no be no" (Matthew 5:37) makes no allowances for if you're 1-12, or 12-100...it's the same no matter your age, last I checked. I knew full well what I was doing. I knew what I was promising. And I still made that promise, still made that deal.
When we were back at my grandparents', I told my aunt...and do you know what she told me? "What, until next week?" Don't ever do that. Ever. If any Christian, young or old, comes to you and tells you that they've made a promise to God, no matter how outlandish it may sound, ENCOURAGE THEM. Say, "Okay, that's great. I'm going to hold you to that." Don't say, "What, 'til next week?" Because that hurt. A lot. And if you tell someone that, especially if they're young and/or a young Christian, you're acting like a promise to God doesn't matter...and a promise, especially to God, does matter.
I haven't eaten chocolate cake or brownie since that time, except for once, when I had marble cake and didn't manage to get all of the chocolate parts picked out. Once. And not on purpose.
I also don't eat Ramen Noodles, but that's for a whole different reason, that's for another blog post.
~Katie
When I was...oh, I don't know, around nine, ten at the most, I had bought and eaten a big piece of chocolate cake/brownie from WalMart, while my grandma was taking me to go pick up my cousin Norma, so we could hang out...and on the way there, I felt sick. Too much chocolate cake/brownie. I felt like I was going to hurl.
I'm pretty sure that no one likes to puke...but I can't handle it at all. It's...it's really bad. I was laying in the backseat, because I felt so sick. I don't have motion sickness and the food I ate was the only thing that could have caused that. In my despair, I started praying, "God, please don't let me puke!" Then, I took it a bit further, "God, if you keep me from puking, I won't eat anymore chocolate cake or brownie!"
Maybe that was a stupid promise on my part. But it was a promise. And it was a promise to God. I don't know about you, but if you make a promise, you'd better keep it...and if you make a promise to God, you'd better double keep it!
Well, I didn't puke. And I was extremely relieved by that. And, because of the promise I made, I don't eat chocolate cake or brownies. Had I puked, I would still eat chocolate cake and brownies, because...well...I like chocolate cake and brownies. I really do. But I don't eat them, because I made a deal with Someone, and since they held up their end of the deal, I'm holding up mine.
Yeah, you can say, "Oh, but you were just a little kid!" ...your point? "Let your yes be yes, and your no be no" (Matthew 5:37) makes no allowances for if you're 1-12, or 12-100...it's the same no matter your age, last I checked. I knew full well what I was doing. I knew what I was promising. And I still made that promise, still made that deal.
When we were back at my grandparents', I told my aunt...and do you know what she told me? "What, until next week?" Don't ever do that. Ever. If any Christian, young or old, comes to you and tells you that they've made a promise to God, no matter how outlandish it may sound, ENCOURAGE THEM. Say, "Okay, that's great. I'm going to hold you to that." Don't say, "What, 'til next week?" Because that hurt. A lot. And if you tell someone that, especially if they're young and/or a young Christian, you're acting like a promise to God doesn't matter...and a promise, especially to God, does matter.
I haven't eaten chocolate cake or brownie since that time, except for once, when I had marble cake and didn't manage to get all of the chocolate parts picked out. Once. And not on purpose.
I also don't eat Ramen Noodles, but that's for a whole different reason, that's for another blog post.
~Katie
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