God's Love

I was going to go to bed, but no, I brushed my teeth, and the mint invigorated me and a thought that's been floating around in my head for forever was finally like, "Katie, you have got to write that like...now...I don't care how late it is, write it.  It'll never come out right if you try to write it later", so here I am.
Let's start at the beginning...like...the very beginning.  My dad.  My dad was barely around when I was little.  He missed visits.  There is documented proof that he missed visits, because there are pictures in the scrapbook of my grandparents taking me to the park, because my dad didn't show up for his visit.  Looking back, I really appreciate them doing that.  Then he died when I was four...so there was no more chance of visits.
There are people who say that children, male or female, who grow up without a father figure, or with an abusive father figure, often project that onto God...which makes sense, as he is our Heavenly Father.  Now I'll go on a bit, before I hit my main point.
I haven't had the best of experiences with males.  Of my exes, only one of them treated me well before, during and after our relationship...the rest were close to abusive, if not abusive, manipulative, or just ignored me during our relationship, because, "there's less to talk about when you're dating."
And now we come to my current boyfriend.  Jacob.  When I went through my last breakup...he was there for me.  If he hadn't been there, I'm not sure I would have ever recovered from the relationship at all.  Not the breakup, because that was the best part of the relationship, but the actual relationship.
Later, when my ex from that breakup got jealous and said that I was trying to steal his friends (our mutual friends that he had introduced me to, Jacob included), they all left.  Except for one.  Jacob stayed.  He was there when I was crying because Tyler wouldn't even message me back.  He was there for me when I was upset because Josh refused to even talk about what was going on.  He stayed.
He's my best friend.  He accepts me the way that I am...strong, weak, brave, scared, weird, normal (I'm not normal, so forget that).  Sure, he makes fun of me...but that's because we're friends and we tease each other.  Yeah, I still glare at him.
How does any of this tie into God's love?
Like I mentioned earlier, people say that how a child views their father is how they view God.  When I was younger, I always thought, "Wow, I'm lucky, I'm not like that!"  But the older I get, the more I realize that is how I view God.  I have to be good...I have to make sure I never make him mad, or disappoint him, because then he might leave me.  He might get tired of me.  He'll view me as something he doesn't want or need.  Why would he need me?  There are plenty of other people in the world.  Hey, I bet some of them are even redheads named Katie!
To protect myself for when I do disappoint him, because I know I will, I close myself off from him and refuse to fully let myself feel his love.  His eternal, unending, everlasting love.  I do that, because if I don't let myself feel it...it won't hurt when he withdraws it.  The human mind is screwed up, just sayin'.
But...when I talk to Jacob...when I annoy him by saying sorry too much, he doesn't leave.  When I forget to text back, he doesn't get mad.  When we disagree, he doesn't abandon me.  When I'm scared  or sad, he supports me.  And do you want to know something?  I don't understand it!  I have no comprehension of the kind of love he shows me.  I'm used to being a temporary part of people's lives...something that they can easily remove if it ever gets too hard to be my friend...or someone who is easy to drift away from.
The more I look at our relationship, and our love, especially his love toward me...the more I look at God and go, "Wait, is this what our relationship is supposed to look like?"  And I can guarantee you, if the Bible is accurate, God loves me a whole lot more than Jacob does!  I've also heard that the romantic relationship between a husband and a wife is supposed to kind of be an analogy of a person's relationship with God and I know that Jacob and I aren't married, but we're the closest I've ever been to marriage.
In my dating, romantic relationship...I'm learning about God's love...by the way my boyfriend loves me.  The way he treats me.  His kindness.  His gentleness.  And even though I sometimes have a hard time accepting my boyfriend's love (just ask him), he's showing me the way God loves me...and I'm learning.  I'm learning to open up to the fullness of, not just Jacob's love, but God's love.  And I will be forever thankful for that.
~Katie

The Fatherless

In church songs I hear, and Bible verses that are quoted, it often instructs the church to care for the widows and the fatherless.  Widows = women whose husbands have died.  Fatherless = Children (male or female) whose fathers have died.  But...sometimes I wonder...do people really care about that?  Do people really understand what that means?
In Bible times, a widow had very few options.  Remarry as quickly as possible, go into prostitution...die...if they hadn't borne a child by their first husband and he had an unmarried brother, they were to marry that brother and attempt to have children by that brother, in honor of her husband.  But the point is, unless a widow had a son to care for her, she was kinda...um...in trouble.  Hence why when Jesus is on the cross, he tells his disciple, John, that Mary is now John's mother.  In other words: TAKE CARE OF MY MOTHER BECAUSE SHE'S A WIDOW AND I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE!
Now, someone could look at these scriptures and say that because of all the opportunities there are for a widow and her fatherless children, they don't need to help out anymore.  Say what?!  Um...no?  Does the Bible say, "Take care of the widows and fatherless, UNTIL the 20th-21st century"?  Nope.  And they still need cared for.
Do you have any idea how hard it is for a single parent (male or female) to care for children?  Pretty stinkin' hard, just letting you know.
The role of both mother and father is placed on a widow.  She must protect her daughter from dangers and potential boyfriends, teach her how to take care of her changing body, give her food, water, pay for schooling, mother her, and so much more all at once.  While doing this, she also has to pay all of the bills herself.  Did you catch that?  Herself.  AND keep up with housework.  AND keep up with yard work.  Sounds like a pretty heavy load.
As a girl who is half fatherless (I say half, because Doug isn't my dad, but he's not not my dad, and I know full well what it feels like to grow up in a home without a father), I can tell you, it's not easy for the mother OR the daughter.  Especially when at times it seems like members of the church care less about helping, and more about telling someone how to run their life.
I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but my mom homeschooled me.  She also worked as a bus driver.  Do you know why?  So that she could have an active part in my life, instead of shipping me off to schools and babysitters, where she would get to see me maybe an hour a day during the week!
But she also had to keep up with housework and yard work.  Something many of you may not know about my mom is that she is allergic to grass.  Which means mowing is hard to impossible for her to do and remain healthy.  That means that it fell on me, because most of the time when she'd ask someone for help, they would say that she could do it, or that I could do it.  And yeah, I could do it fine...until one day I tried to mow and I couldn't breathe.  Turns out I've inherited my mom's grass issues.
My momma worked her tail off.  And I don't think I helped as much as I probably could have and should have.
The thing is...these same church members who didn't seem to care (they may have, it just didn't seem that way), like us a whole lot better now that we have Doug....  So now that they aren't obligated by the Bible to care for us, they like us better.  And I just don't get that.
Sometimes, all it takes to help is maybe just coming over and helping clean up, or offering to mow the lawn, or even just talking and being a listening ear can help.  I know that there was a family my mom and I visited a lot, and they couldn't help much, but that was my mom's listening ear.
To those of you who are widows/fatherless YOU ARE NOT ALONE!  And if you need anything, I will do my best to help.  To those of you who have the abilities to help those who ARE widows and fatherless...get up off your butt and actually help them, instead of coming up with excuses as to why they can help themselves.
This rant is over.
~Katie

Modern Education

Let me take this moment to just say that our modern education system is messed up.  Seriously!  I saw a video on Facebook of this girl crying because of school and saying she just wanted to give up and be a stripper.  I don't know, maybe she made that video for laughs, but there are other students who feel the exact same way she at least pretended to feel.
I don't like school.  That may be a shock to some people, but it's true.  I don't like school.  I like learning.  I hate when people think that learning and school are the same thing.  They so aren't.  I love learning, actually.  I tolerate school, because right now, that's the best place for me to go to learn things.
But so much weighs upon a person, especially a high school student, while they're at school.  Students are pressured to make good grades, so they can go to a good college, so they can get a good degree and get a good job.  College is pushed so hard that it could turn someone off to the idea of college.
But then you also have students who work.  There's a student at my school, who lives alone and supports himself.  While also being the right hand man of the FBLA (Future Business Leaders of America) sponsor.  He's tired a lot.  Why?  Because he's feeding himself, clothing himself, keeping his apartment paid for and still working to get good grades so he can go to college and go into a career with Google someday, by working his way up.  After Google, he plans to go into politics.
There are students that are involved in sports and music and plays half of the clubs at the school, because those are the things they enjoy, but they also have to keep up with their grades.
And school itself isn't a bad thing, but what is is all the classes that students are required to take.  A student only gets to choose three electives.  Three.  That's three things that they personally want to learn about and that they personally can choose to learn about.
Is an advanced Algebra class, for someone who barely understands Algebra1, who wants to be an English teacher really needed for them and their career?  Stop telling students, "Oh, you'll need it later in life, no matter your career", without telling them why or in what situation.  We're big kids.  Give us the real reasons.
Is an English class really necessary for a student who plans to go into a computer engineer career?  If so, tell them why, don't just say "because you need it", "because you'll use it in life", "because you need to be well rounded".  Give them a real reason, please!
And the worst part for me is seeing all of the posters up for the state testing.  Posters saying things about unlocking your potential, and doing great...what about the kid that bombs it?  Has that student not reached their true potential, just because they bombed that test?  Has that student...failed?  Failed at life, failed at school, just flat out failed?
No!  Because those tests prove nothing.  They prove how book smart a person is.  They prove how well a person is at tests.  They prove how fast someone can read.  They don't prove that this kid is good at singing, or that even though this kid reads slow, they remember and understand everything they read.  It doesn't say anything about how this kid treats others.  It doesn't tell anyone that this student is really good at computer programing.
Those tests only state...how well you did on that test.
Why not let students learn about things they want to learn about?  Maybe a student does want to take all of those classes.  Maybe a student actually likes working with imaginary numbers.  Maybe there's a student who actually kind of likes picking apart sentences and sentence structure.
Why not give classes on book publishing, video game making, hey, maybe even intro classes for teaching!  I get that it could get kind of expensive.  But at least get the kids where they love to learn.  Because then they can go out with their own initiative and find the things they want to learn about on the internet, with the teacher's guidance if they get stuck or need help.  That's kind of what PBL (Project Based Learning) is.  That's why I like PBL.
I honestly don't think that there are any students who would go ahead and have school, even if school was cancelled.  I read a book once, when I was younger, called The Secret School, by AVI.  It was about this one room school house school that got cancelled because the teacher either died, or got sick or had a death in the family, I don't remember which, and a fourteen year old girl, one of the smartest in the school, took the role as teacher, to ensure that people were still learning.  Because they liked to learn.
I guess...school isn't really the problem, it's just that students don't like learning anymore.  And probably because it's been shoved down their throats that they have to learn and they have to learn this and they have to learn it this way and that if they don't do well with their learning, they're not smart and have failed.
And this has gotten really really long, so I'll just end it now.
~Katie