"I Didn't, You Shouldn't!"

"I've been through that too...but I didn't react the way you did.  You don't have to react that way."
"That happened to me, but it didn't affect me like that, so it shouldn't affect you like that."
Well, it just so happens that while there are many different things that can happen to many different people, and sometimes two different people may have the exact (or very similar) same thing happen to them.  But...these people are, as mentioned before different, which means that they will most likely have different reactions.
Sometimes a person reacts in a positive way to a terrible thing that happened to them, but another person who may have had the exact same thing happen to them reacts either neutral or negatively.  In some of these cases, the person who reacts positively might ask the person who reacted negatively, "What's wrong with you, this isn't as terrible as you're acting.  I'm fine."  Or the person who reacted negatively might go to the person who reacted positively saying, "Why are you acting so okay?  This isn't okay!  This has devastated me!"
An example (fictional, but so real) is in the book by Sarah Dessen, Just Listen.
This book is about a girl named Annabel who was raped by her best friend's serial rapist boyfriend.  He had a habit of raping or otherwise violating girls, then his girlfriend would get mad and alienate the girl.  Making sure everyone know that the rape victim was an [insert curse word here as I do not use curse words, even in quotes on my blog].
She either didn't know or didn't want to see what her boyfriend was doing.  So, when at the end of the school year, Annabel was raped by him, Annabel became alienated.
The rape devastated Annabel.  She didn't feel like she could or should tell anyone what happened.  She didn't feel like she should tell anyone the "real" reason why Sophie (former friend) wasn't her friend anymore.  The story circulating around school was that Annabel was a [bleep] who slept with Sophie's boyfriend.  She had no friends.
She was scared.  When she saw Will (the boyfriend) she threw up.  Not once.  Twice.  She didn't want to do modeling anymore (A family thing that she'd been doing since before she could walk), but she was also scared to tell her mother.
Near the end of the book, the girl who had taken Annabel's place, a Freshman named Emily, was raped by Will.  Emily wasn't silent.  Was she scared?  Yeah.  But she went to the authorities.  And because of that, Annabel also found the courage to stand up.
The same thing happened to two different girls.  The same thing.  By the same guy.  But they reacted differently.
It's like pouring baking soda over water, and pouring baking soda over vinegar.  The water doesn't react, but the vinegar has an explosive reaction (science fair volcano anyone?).  The same solvent, but a different solute.
Does that mean that everyone should be allowed to react however they want?  If I punch you in the face, is it okay to react by shooting me?  Uh...not exactly.  But in certain circumstances, understand...different people react differently to even the same thing.
For example (drawing from a research paper I did my sophomore year), sometimes when a girl is sexually abused as a child, she completely withdraws from sex and anything sexual altogether...other times, a different girl, even if it was the exact same guy, the exact same type of abuse, will have an extremely high sex drive.
This is just something that's been rattling around in my mind for awhile.
~Katie

The Way to be Saved (Cartoon Jesus)

(Sorry for the weird way it's shown here...I copy pasted it from something I already shared on Facebook)

"Share me." Says cartoon Jesus in the little meme.
"Oh no, keep scrolling, that means you pick me." Cartoon Satan laughs.
Cartoon me is in between them, looking scared. Which should I pick? Is it betraying Jesus not to press the little share button? It's not that hard to do and then, whew, I've told all of my Facebook friends that I pick Jesus!
My Facebook friends have no idea that I pick Jesus if I don't share that. Not even if I just shared my favorite Bible verse two minutes ago, or told everyone that God answered my prayer.
My Facebook friends don't know that I'm a Christian if I don't share that. Not even if I was sitting in church next to them yesterday. Not even if they came to me with a prayer request and I prayed for them.
My Facebook friends haven't the slightest idea that I serve God if I don't share that. Not even if I show them His love.
Or, maybe I'm not a Christian.
My Facebook friends have no idea that I don't pick Jesus, as long as I share that. Not even if I cussed at the slow driver who had no idea where they were. Not even if I go along with bullying that already bullied enough girl.
My Facebook friends don't know that I'm not a Christian if I share that. Not even if just three seconds ago I posted on my Facebook something about how God doesn't exist.
My Facebook friends haven't the slightest idea that I don't serve God, if I share that. Not even if I cheat on my test with no remorse. Not even if I continually talk about people behind their backs.

As long as I share that little cartoon...I'm a Christian. It doesn't matter how I live. It doesn't matter what I do. All I have to do is share that little cartoon.
After all, in the KSV (Katie Standard Version), in Heresy 2:6 it says "Whosoever shareth the cartoon Jesus shall be saved."
And over in the book of Falsehood, chapter nine, it says, "They who share not the cartoon Jesus choose in their hearts, not only cartoon Satan, but the true Satan. These too shall have their place in the Lake of Fire."
And if you go on to the Song of Deception, chapter 6, verse 8, it says, "For God so loved the world that he gave the cartoon Jesus that whosever shareth on Facebook shall not perish, but have everlasting life."
And later on in the chapter, verse 19, Jesus says, "I and cartoon Jesus are one."
So. Obviously the way to be saved and to prove to the world that I am saved is to share this cartoon. And all along, I thought that the way to be saved was to "believe on the Lord Jesus Christ" and to prove to the world that I am saved was to "love one another as [Jesus] loved [me]."

My After High School Plans

If any of you have ever been a high school senior or a high school graduate, I'm sure you've been asked over and over and over and over...and OVER... "So...what are your plans after high school?"  And, "What are you doing next year?"  And, "Have you decided what you're going to be out in the real world?"
Well, for one, calling life after high school the "real world" is ridiculous, but that's for another rant/blog post.  And for two...getting asked those questions over and over and over and over and over and over and--oops, got stuck typing the same thing...gets annoying.
SO!  To answer that question, I have decided to take to my blog.  And if you read my blog...please don't ask me again in person!  I'm begging you!
My plans for after high school:
I will be attending a college in an undisclosed location in order to become a bear.  My major will be in hibernation, with a minor of circus bear.
This college is one of the top bear colleges in the USA and is highly recommended by graduate Smoky Bear, a wildlife preserver, known for his saying, "Remember, only you can prevent wildfires."  They have many classes, ranging from History of Bears, Bears Around the World, Bears in Bible Times, Beary Berry Picking, Salmon Fishing, Salmon Selling...and on and on and on.
Besides classes, they have several different majors.  Hibernation, Fishing, Circus Bear, Bear Fighter, Wildlife Preservation Bear...and the list continues.
I am currently waiting for my paperwork to come back.  I am getting a free ride with the "Most Imaginative Mind" scholarship.
However, if I ever get tired of my chosen major and minor, I may return to a human college, where I plan to major in education.  Most likely elementary and/or special.  I will of course take a music class, because I love music.
My minor is still undecided, but probably not underwater basketweaving.
So, there you have it.  That is my plan for after high school!
~Katie

Let's Get Personal

**WARNING** This may be triggering for anyone who deals with depression, suicidal thoughts, and/or self-harm issues.  Please read at your own discretion and if it becomes triggering, please do not continue reading.  I do not want to be the cause of someone's relapse.


Now that that's out of the way.
Wednesday night, we were reading in Romans 12 and he picked out verse three.  "For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith."
He took this verse and said that in today's age, it's all about, "think good about yourself!" but that he believes people should have an accurate self image, which, yeah, they should!  But that lead to talking about depression.
He said that if a person is struggling with depression, it is usually because they aren't focusing on God, on Jesus, but on themselves.  That was a slap in the face.  A knife in the gut.  To hear a person that I trust and respect say something like that.  Because that is just not true.  Maybe in some cases, but not the 99% of depression cases that he went on to say, after I said I disagreed.
But, the more I thought later, the more I realized, "He's just never dealt with depression."  Yeah, sure, everyone's been depressed.  But what kind of depression?  The "Oh, my boyfriend broke up with me" depression that lasts a few weeks?  The "Yikes, we don't have enough money for ____" depression that lasts until you get your bills covered?  Or the, "I have no idea why, but I feel worthless and alone, like no one really cares" depression that lasts for months...for years.
That last depression...what even causes that, really?  I don't know.  But I've lived with it pretty much my whole life, hitting really hard when I was around 11-12ish.  By my youth pastor's saying, I just quit focusing on God and was focusing only on myself.  But that doesn't even make sense!  I was reading my Bible every night.  I was involved in AWANA.  I went to church every Sunday, morning and night!  I was focusing on God.
I remember the first time I was depressed all day, and not just for a little bit.  I was around twelve and all day long, nothing mattered.  I didn't know why.  I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know what, or what to call it.  But nothing mattered.  It didn't matter what I did, I didn't matter, just nothing mattered.  All.  Day.  Long.  I felt that way the entire day.  I felt like God had abandoned me.  And that was just one day!  The only reason I had to believe that God hadn't abandoned me was Hebrews 13:5.  "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee."  Didn't make my depression go away....
It only disappeared if I was really busy.  That's the only time it really left for any amount of time.  I was at youth camp and for the most part I was okay, except for one night.  And that was the year I was thirteen.  The rest of the years I've went, it's happened a whole lot more.
With my depression, my anxiety, which I've dealt with a lot more severely, although I also didn't know what to call it got worse.  If you put those two together, you have basically a very poisonous mixture and it is inside you.  You have yourself feeling worthless, like nothing matters, like you don't matter, it doesn't matter what you do it just doesn't matter.  Then, on top of that, you have a little voice inside you, whispering to you, telling you "Don't tell anyone!  They won't believe you!  They won't care!  They'll just hurt you!"  You have nowhere to go.  No one to turn to.  That's what your own mind is telling you.  Every.  Single.  Day.
I tried to ask my family for help once.  I think I was around fourteen.  I posted a blog post on our family blog (closed, so don't even try to look for it), telling how I felt, all but begging for help.  Wanna know the response I got?  My aunt told me it was just teenage hormones (because they make you go from perfectly fine to begging God to kill you, right?).  My grandma told me to just trust Jesus.  I wanted to scream, "Can't you tell I'm trying?!"  But I didn't.  But ever since then, I have never, and will never, go to them for help or support.
I'm eighteen now.  I have had depression living in me trying to control me strongly for six years.  I've had anxiety that strong for about as long.  But when I look back, I was depressed and anxious even when I was little.
When I was 6-7, I was at a church dinner, holding my doll and watching the boys play basketball from between two trees that were great to lean between.  My pastor's wife asked me if she could take my picture, because apparently I looked cute and I said sure, because why not.  It was a black and white picture and she gave it to my grandparents who still have it.  Do you wanna know why I was there?  It because I was anxious.  I wanted to ask if I could play basketball with them (I had no idea how, and still have no idea how), but I was scared.
I fight almost every day with my anxiety.  Thankfully my depression occasionally takes a respite...but it always, always comes back and while it's gone, if it's been gone for a long time, I get scared that it's coming back soon.
It's not because I'm not trusting or focusing on God.  If you want to know the truth, he's on my mind quite a lot.  Half the time, I have to coach myself through things and pray for help for things that are easy for other people.  Like...going up to someone and asking if I can sit by them.  Or having someone sit by me.  Or deal while people are making weird, repetitive, annoying noises.  Or even just having a car drive by me while I'm on my rollerblades!
This isn't a situational thing!  Yeah, it gets way worse through situations sometimes, but this, for me, is not a situational thing!  This isn't because I'm not trusting God, or focusing on Him!  I don't know why this is!
No, I can't fault my youth pastor for not understanding something that he doesn't live with, or that he hasn't dealt with.  But I can post about what I go through, and maybe it will help others understand.  And just so you know, I have written a letter to give to my youth pastor tomorrow, that has some of this and a few other things in it, so that maybe it will help him understand what "depression" means to someone who lives with it daily.
~Katie

Letter to My Cousins

Dear Norma, Justin, Jaylee, Reilly, Adam, Jade, Lyric, and Skylar,
Some of you won't need part of this letter for a long time and some of you won't need part of this letter ever.  Some of you may not understand this letter until you're older, but that is okay.
First off...I love you.  I'm an awkward, strange human, and I'm scared of losing you, so sometimes I push you away, and for that, I'm sorry.
Second off...please listen to this, and actually listen, because maybe if someone had told me something like this and I had listened, then I would have saved myself a ton of hurt.
Don't ever date a guy unless you have been his best friend first.  And actually his best friend.  If you started out the friendship kind of liking him, don't date him, because it most likely will not last.  Also, never ever let a guy push you at all!  In any way, shape or form.  And if he does start to push you, dump his sorry butt, because he most likely will not change.
If a guy ever wants to keep your relationship secret, don't date him, because either he isn't allowed to date, or it's a tactic that abusive people use, where they isolate you from your friends.  Besides, if we're being honest, sometimes it's really nice to talk to your friends about your boyfriend sometimes.
If you are ever depressed (extremely sad, angry at yourself, especially with no apparent reason), anxious (extremely worried, for no real reason), or are even really happy about a random thing...it's okay to talk to me about that.  In fact, I'd love for you to talk to me about it, because then I can do my best to help you.
If you ever feel like you don't matter or that you aren't worth anything, listen to me now: YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH!  You are worth a ton to me and you are worth even more to God.  If you ever feel like no one really loves you, come talk to me and I will do everything in my power to make sure you know I love you.
If anyone is ever hurting you or someone you love, come talk to me!  If I can't help get you and/or them out of the place that's making them hurt, I will at least try.
If you ever need prayers, ask me.
If you ever need a hug, my arms are open.
If you ever need food, come on over.  No promises that we'll have food you like, but we'll have food.
If you've just found an awesome new song (even if it's several years old) and you want to share it, send me a link!
If you ever have a secret, you can tell me and I won't spill it.  The only way I would spill your secret is if it would hurt you or someone else.
Please, please, please know that I love you.  I love you a ton and I want to make sure you're safe and happy.
Love,
Your cousin, Katie.

God's Love

I was going to go to bed, but no, I brushed my teeth, and the mint invigorated me and a thought that's been floating around in my head for forever was finally like, "Katie, you have got to write that like...now...I don't care how late it is, write it.  It'll never come out right if you try to write it later", so here I am.
Let's start at the beginning...like...the very beginning.  My dad.  My dad was barely around when I was little.  He missed visits.  There is documented proof that he missed visits, because there are pictures in the scrapbook of my grandparents taking me to the park, because my dad didn't show up for his visit.  Looking back, I really appreciate them doing that.  Then he died when I was four...so there was no more chance of visits.
There are people who say that children, male or female, who grow up without a father figure, or with an abusive father figure, often project that onto God...which makes sense, as he is our Heavenly Father.  Now I'll go on a bit, before I hit my main point.
I haven't had the best of experiences with males.  Of my exes, only one of them treated me well before, during and after our relationship...the rest were close to abusive, if not abusive, manipulative, or just ignored me during our relationship, because, "there's less to talk about when you're dating."
And now we come to my current boyfriend.  Jacob.  When I went through my last breakup...he was there for me.  If he hadn't been there, I'm not sure I would have ever recovered from the relationship at all.  Not the breakup, because that was the best part of the relationship, but the actual relationship.
Later, when my ex from that breakup got jealous and said that I was trying to steal his friends (our mutual friends that he had introduced me to, Jacob included), they all left.  Except for one.  Jacob stayed.  He was there when I was crying because Tyler wouldn't even message me back.  He was there for me when I was upset because Josh refused to even talk about what was going on.  He stayed.
He's my best friend.  He accepts me the way that I am...strong, weak, brave, scared, weird, normal (I'm not normal, so forget that).  Sure, he makes fun of me...but that's because we're friends and we tease each other.  Yeah, I still glare at him.
How does any of this tie into God's love?
Like I mentioned earlier, people say that how a child views their father is how they view God.  When I was younger, I always thought, "Wow, I'm lucky, I'm not like that!"  But the older I get, the more I realize that is how I view God.  I have to be good...I have to make sure I never make him mad, or disappoint him, because then he might leave me.  He might get tired of me.  He'll view me as something he doesn't want or need.  Why would he need me?  There are plenty of other people in the world.  Hey, I bet some of them are even redheads named Katie!
To protect myself for when I do disappoint him, because I know I will, I close myself off from him and refuse to fully let myself feel his love.  His eternal, unending, everlasting love.  I do that, because if I don't let myself feel it...it won't hurt when he withdraws it.  The human mind is screwed up, just sayin'.
But...when I talk to Jacob...when I annoy him by saying sorry too much, he doesn't leave.  When I forget to text back, he doesn't get mad.  When we disagree, he doesn't abandon me.  When I'm scared  or sad, he supports me.  And do you want to know something?  I don't understand it!  I have no comprehension of the kind of love he shows me.  I'm used to being a temporary part of people's lives...something that they can easily remove if it ever gets too hard to be my friend...or someone who is easy to drift away from.
The more I look at our relationship, and our love, especially his love toward me...the more I look at God and go, "Wait, is this what our relationship is supposed to look like?"  And I can guarantee you, if the Bible is accurate, God loves me a whole lot more than Jacob does!  I've also heard that the romantic relationship between a husband and a wife is supposed to kind of be an analogy of a person's relationship with God and I know that Jacob and I aren't married, but we're the closest I've ever been to marriage.
In my dating, romantic relationship...I'm learning about God's love...by the way my boyfriend loves me.  The way he treats me.  His kindness.  His gentleness.  And even though I sometimes have a hard time accepting my boyfriend's love (just ask him), he's showing me the way God loves me...and I'm learning.  I'm learning to open up to the fullness of, not just Jacob's love, but God's love.  And I will be forever thankful for that.
~Katie

The Fatherless

In church songs I hear, and Bible verses that are quoted, it often instructs the church to care for the widows and the fatherless.  Widows = women whose husbands have died.  Fatherless = Children (male or female) whose fathers have died.  But...sometimes I wonder...do people really care about that?  Do people really understand what that means?
In Bible times, a widow had very few options.  Remarry as quickly as possible, go into prostitution...die...if they hadn't borne a child by their first husband and he had an unmarried brother, they were to marry that brother and attempt to have children by that brother, in honor of her husband.  But the point is, unless a widow had a son to care for her, she was kinda...um...in trouble.  Hence why when Jesus is on the cross, he tells his disciple, John, that Mary is now John's mother.  In other words: TAKE CARE OF MY MOTHER BECAUSE SHE'S A WIDOW AND I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE!
Now, someone could look at these scriptures and say that because of all the opportunities there are for a widow and her fatherless children, they don't need to help out anymore.  Say what?!  Um...no?  Does the Bible say, "Take care of the widows and fatherless, UNTIL the 20th-21st century"?  Nope.  And they still need cared for.
Do you have any idea how hard it is for a single parent (male or female) to care for children?  Pretty stinkin' hard, just letting you know.
The role of both mother and father is placed on a widow.  She must protect her daughter from dangers and potential boyfriends, teach her how to take care of her changing body, give her food, water, pay for schooling, mother her, and so much more all at once.  While doing this, she also has to pay all of the bills herself.  Did you catch that?  Herself.  AND keep up with housework.  AND keep up with yard work.  Sounds like a pretty heavy load.
As a girl who is half fatherless (I say half, because Doug isn't my dad, but he's not not my dad, and I know full well what it feels like to grow up in a home without a father), I can tell you, it's not easy for the mother OR the daughter.  Especially when at times it seems like members of the church care less about helping, and more about telling someone how to run their life.
I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but my mom homeschooled me.  She also worked as a bus driver.  Do you know why?  So that she could have an active part in my life, instead of shipping me off to schools and babysitters, where she would get to see me maybe an hour a day during the week!
But she also had to keep up with housework and yard work.  Something many of you may not know about my mom is that she is allergic to grass.  Which means mowing is hard to impossible for her to do and remain healthy.  That means that it fell on me, because most of the time when she'd ask someone for help, they would say that she could do it, or that I could do it.  And yeah, I could do it fine...until one day I tried to mow and I couldn't breathe.  Turns out I've inherited my mom's grass issues.
My momma worked her tail off.  And I don't think I helped as much as I probably could have and should have.
The thing is...these same church members who didn't seem to care (they may have, it just didn't seem that way), like us a whole lot better now that we have Doug....  So now that they aren't obligated by the Bible to care for us, they like us better.  And I just don't get that.
Sometimes, all it takes to help is maybe just coming over and helping clean up, or offering to mow the lawn, or even just talking and being a listening ear can help.  I know that there was a family my mom and I visited a lot, and they couldn't help much, but that was my mom's listening ear.
To those of you who are widows/fatherless YOU ARE NOT ALONE!  And if you need anything, I will do my best to help.  To those of you who have the abilities to help those who ARE widows and fatherless...get up off your butt and actually help them, instead of coming up with excuses as to why they can help themselves.
This rant is over.
~Katie

Modern Education

Let me take this moment to just say that our modern education system is messed up.  Seriously!  I saw a video on Facebook of this girl crying because of school and saying she just wanted to give up and be a stripper.  I don't know, maybe she made that video for laughs, but there are other students who feel the exact same way she at least pretended to feel.
I don't like school.  That may be a shock to some people, but it's true.  I don't like school.  I like learning.  I hate when people think that learning and school are the same thing.  They so aren't.  I love learning, actually.  I tolerate school, because right now, that's the best place for me to go to learn things.
But so much weighs upon a person, especially a high school student, while they're at school.  Students are pressured to make good grades, so they can go to a good college, so they can get a good degree and get a good job.  College is pushed so hard that it could turn someone off to the idea of college.
But then you also have students who work.  There's a student at my school, who lives alone and supports himself.  While also being the right hand man of the FBLA (Future Business Leaders of America) sponsor.  He's tired a lot.  Why?  Because he's feeding himself, clothing himself, keeping his apartment paid for and still working to get good grades so he can go to college and go into a career with Google someday, by working his way up.  After Google, he plans to go into politics.
There are students that are involved in sports and music and plays half of the clubs at the school, because those are the things they enjoy, but they also have to keep up with their grades.
And school itself isn't a bad thing, but what is is all the classes that students are required to take.  A student only gets to choose three electives.  Three.  That's three things that they personally want to learn about and that they personally can choose to learn about.
Is an advanced Algebra class, for someone who barely understands Algebra1, who wants to be an English teacher really needed for them and their career?  Stop telling students, "Oh, you'll need it later in life, no matter your career", without telling them why or in what situation.  We're big kids.  Give us the real reasons.
Is an English class really necessary for a student who plans to go into a computer engineer career?  If so, tell them why, don't just say "because you need it", "because you'll use it in life", "because you need to be well rounded".  Give them a real reason, please!
And the worst part for me is seeing all of the posters up for the state testing.  Posters saying things about unlocking your potential, and doing great...what about the kid that bombs it?  Has that student not reached their true potential, just because they bombed that test?  Has that student...failed?  Failed at life, failed at school, just flat out failed?
No!  Because those tests prove nothing.  They prove how book smart a person is.  They prove how well a person is at tests.  They prove how fast someone can read.  They don't prove that this kid is good at singing, or that even though this kid reads slow, they remember and understand everything they read.  It doesn't say anything about how this kid treats others.  It doesn't tell anyone that this student is really good at computer programing.
Those tests only state...how well you did on that test.
Why not let students learn about things they want to learn about?  Maybe a student does want to take all of those classes.  Maybe a student actually likes working with imaginary numbers.  Maybe there's a student who actually kind of likes picking apart sentences and sentence structure.
Why not give classes on book publishing, video game making, hey, maybe even intro classes for teaching!  I get that it could get kind of expensive.  But at least get the kids where they love to learn.  Because then they can go out with their own initiative and find the things they want to learn about on the internet, with the teacher's guidance if they get stuck or need help.  That's kind of what PBL (Project Based Learning) is.  That's why I like PBL.
I honestly don't think that there are any students who would go ahead and have school, even if school was cancelled.  I read a book once, when I was younger, called The Secret School, by AVI.  It was about this one room school house school that got cancelled because the teacher either died, or got sick or had a death in the family, I don't remember which, and a fourteen year old girl, one of the smartest in the school, took the role as teacher, to ensure that people were still learning.  Because they liked to learn.
I guess...school isn't really the problem, it's just that students don't like learning anymore.  And probably because it's been shoved down their throats that they have to learn and they have to learn this and they have to learn it this way and that if they don't do well with their learning, they're not smart and have failed.
And this has gotten really really long, so I'll just end it now.
~Katie

I Don't Eat Brownies

Yeah, you read that right.  I don't eat brownies.  No, I don't have a chocolate allergy.  No, I don't dislike them, but I don't eat them.  I also don't eat chocolate cake.  I have nothing against these two things, or anyone who likes and/or eats them.  But I myself don't eat them.  Why?  Am I crazy?  Yes, but that's not what's influencing this.
When I was...oh, I don't know, around nine, ten at the most, I had bought and eaten a big piece of chocolate cake/brownie from WalMart, while my grandma was taking me to go pick up my cousin Norma, so we could hang out...and on the way there, I felt sick.  Too much chocolate cake/brownie.  I felt like I was going to hurl.
I'm pretty sure that no one likes to puke...but I can't handle it at all.  It's...it's really bad.  I was laying in the backseat, because I felt so sick.  I don't have motion sickness and the food I ate was the only thing that could have caused that.  In my despair, I started praying, "God, please don't let me puke!"  Then, I took it a bit further, "God, if you keep me from puking, I won't eat anymore chocolate cake or brownie!"
Maybe that was a stupid promise on my part.  But it was a promise.  And it was a promise to God.  I don't know about you, but if you make a promise, you'd better keep it...and if you make a promise to God, you'd better double keep it!
Well, I didn't puke.  And I was extremely relieved by that.  And, because of the promise I made, I don't eat chocolate cake or brownies.  Had I puked, I would still eat chocolate cake and brownies, because...well...I like chocolate cake and brownies.  I really do.  But I don't eat them, because I made a deal with Someone, and since they held up their end of the deal, I'm holding up mine.
Yeah, you can say, "Oh, but you were just a little kid!"  ...your point?  "Let your yes be yes, and your no be no" (Matthew 5:37) makes no allowances for if you're 1-12, or 12-100...it's the same no matter your age, last I checked.  I knew full well what I was doing.  I knew what I was promising.  And I still made that promise, still made that deal.
When we were back at my grandparents', I told my aunt...and do you know what she told me? "What, until next week?"  Don't ever do that.  Ever.  If any Christian, young or old, comes to you and tells you that they've made a promise to God, no matter how outlandish it may sound, ENCOURAGE THEM.  Say, "Okay, that's great.  I'm going to hold you to that."  Don't say, "What, 'til next week?"  Because that hurt.  A lot.  And if you tell someone that, especially if they're young and/or a young Christian, you're acting like a promise to God doesn't matter...and a promise, especially to God, does matter.
I haven't eaten chocolate cake or brownie since that time, except for once, when I had marble cake and didn't manage to get all of the chocolate parts picked out.  Once.  And not on purpose.
I also don't eat Ramen Noodles, but that's for a whole different reason, that's for another blog post.
~Katie

I'm Where I'm Meant to Be

Today at my night church, we had missionaries from Hungary speaking about their ministry, and naturally, as we do every time we have guests, there was food afterward.  A lady at my church asked if I was still attending the Bible School...to which I said no, I am currently attending FHS.  She later asked if I miss IBS...and I said "no, not really".  She seemed shocked.
Yes, I am happier at my secular school.  Let me give you a quick rundown of a few things that would never have happened, had I not begin attending FHS.

1. I would never have met Alex.
2. Alex never would have told me what church he attends.
3. I would never have tried out for the musical.
4. I would never have had a practice that entailed me missing my night church.
5. Because I never would have missed that night church, I never would have stopped by Alex's church to see how I liked it.
6. Had I never stopped by his church to see how I liked it, I never would have found a church to attend on Wednesday night.
7. Had I never found a church to attend on Wednesday night, I never would have found my new Sunday morning church.
8. Had I never began going to that church, I would not be baptized today.

Sadly, I wasn't getting anything out of my regular morning church.  I love the people and talking to them and all that...but I wasn't getting anything spiritual out of my previous morning church.  I get a ton out of this church.  And that's just one example!

When I switched schools, my stepdad said, "Katie, I feel like you're supposed to be here for someone."  Maybe I was supposed to be there for me.  Because despite having chapel every day at IBS, I feel closer to God now.

Maybe it's because when you have something every day, it becomes mundane, boring, pointless...but when you have it only a few times a week, it becomes more sacred and special.  Who knows why?  All I know is my personal experiences.

I've met so many people at this school, and have been part of so many activities that I'm almost positive that I was in more of the activity pictures than students who have been attending the Fredonia district schools their entire life.

It seems that every step I take, God reaffirms that this is where I'm supposed to be and that I'm doing what he wants me to do and I'm grateful for that.  I'm so thankful for my church family and I enjoy our youth parties, and banters and Wednesday night Bible Studies that always somehow go off on rabbit trails and wind up with us learning about...well...a great variety of things.

I'm grateful for the friends I've made, and the people that I get to talk to on a regular basis.  I'm happy that I get to drag my friend, Kalli, to the library every week or so.  I'm happy for the neighbors who have invited me to come visit whenever I'd like....  Quite frankly, I'm happy.  I'm very happy with where I am, what I'm doing, and other than like all humans who need to constantly be improving, who I am.

~Katie

"Real Women"

Real women have curves!  Right?  Which implies that unless you have curves...you're not a real woman....  Of course, that excludes all naturally twiggy women.  I have no idea what they are, but they're obviously not real women.  Are they women at all though?  To find the answer to that question, I went to the dictionary.  And here is what it told me:
"an adult, human female".
Well...that's a tad vague...I mean... what does that even mean?  It says nothing about curves, or lackthereof.  MAYBE if I looked up the meaning of real, it might make sense.
"actually existing as a thing or occurring in fact; not imagined or supposed.".
Does that mean that...I've imagined all the skinny women I know?!
When I looked up "real woman definition", I was sent to this article: "real women".  It says nothing about curves either!  Of course, Urban Dictionary popped up...and because I'm typing this on my iPad at school, I couldn't pop it up, because Urban Dictionary has some...uh...moments where it's not very school appropriate.
But nothing I've found so far has said anything about real women having curves.  Maybe if I look for a scientific definition, I can find out what a real woman is.  Well, that didn't tell me anything....  But, I know from biology class that females have XX chromosomes.
Apparently, only curvy women have XX chromosomes....  Of course, with the definition of XX chromosomes, that also rules out "women" such as Caitlyn (Bruce) Jenner.
It's so confusing!  What's a real woman anyway?  Well, according to the dictionary and science, it's an adult, female human, that is not imagined, and has XX chromosomes...so...don't worry, my twig-like friends...despite what Facebook has tried to tell us, you are in fact, a real woman.  And as for you, my friends with curves...as long as you're an adult female human, that has XX chromosomes and are not imagined, you're also a real woman!
Silly Facebook...you don't know how to use a dictionary.
~Katie

Welp...I Got Baptized

So...as you can tell from the title...I was baptized!  On Valentine's Day, actually.  Have some pictures:

This one is right after I came up out of the water.  The guy on the right is Josh, my youth pastor, and the one of the left is Pastor Les, the...regular pastor...I'm not sure how to classify him.

This one is later, with Crazy Jenni and a cake they got me (seriously guys, you're way too sweet! :') )  Oh, and it's okay to call her "Crazy Jenni", we talked about this stuff.

Why did I decide to be baptized?  Well...it all started long long ago--okay, not that long ago--when I had a meeting with Josh (seen in the first picture) and his wife Abbey.  Some of the scriptures we looked at made baptism look like...well...like it's necessary...not optional.
The church I grew up in...well...they never did baptism, which gave me the impression that it wasn't necessary for salvation.  The scriptures we looked at...well...they seemed to say otherwise.
So, after that meeting, I thought for awhile, then when we had a "questions" night, for Wednesday night, I asked to talk about baptism again...so we did.
THEN...after that, I went and asked Pastor Les about being baptized and we sat in his office for over an hour talking about it and looking at scriptures...and we scheduled a meeting with him and his wife for Thursday, around 8:00-8:30.
Thursday came around, and I went over to their house around 8:15...and didn't come home until almost 11:00....
I thought for a bit after that, then on Friday, I messaged both Pastor Les, and Josh's wife, and asked for both of them to baptize me...because, well, they both directed me down that path and I wanted them both to be involved.
And...yeah....  The water was hot.  Idk what else to say....
~Katie