2019

Whew.  It's over.  Yay?  Unyay?  Honestly, I'm not sure.
So much happened over the year 2019.  So much...changed.  I changed.  A lot, I'd say.
At the beginning of 2019, I was dating a guy named Jacob.  In March, we celebrated our three year anniversary, and in April, we broke up.
September of 2018, I moved out of my parents home, and into my own.  And...it's been wonderful and crazy.  And honestly?  Easier than I had anticipated.
There was a point in time, where I doubted I would ever be able to live on my own, just because...I wasn't sure I could handle the stress of managing bills and cleaning house, and feeding myself.
But I've also learned that the way my parents do things, doesn't have to be the way I do things.  I operate differently.  Maybe differently from most people, I don't know, I'm not most people.  And this is my home.  I don't have to decorate and run things the same as everyone else.
As such, my home has a Thankful Tree, which is a wooden Christmas tree that was here when I arrived.  I write things I'm thankful for, then tape them to the tree.
I am also about to move my dresser downstairs into my laundry room.  Why?  Because my clothes never make it upstairs to my room.  I'm also about to move myself back up to my room.  Why?  Because I've been sleeping in the living room since May.  Why have I been doing that?  *deep sigh*  Because it was too hot upstairs and I didn't care to pay to cool the upstairs AND downstairs.  I'm also going to move my upstairs litter box downstairs with the other one.  Why?  Because I do not go upstairs a lot of the time, and I struggle to keep my litter boxes clean...especially when one is so out of sight and out of mind.
One thing I've learned in 2019, is that I don't have to run my household the way everyone else does.  It is okay to run things in a way that works best for me.  And I plan to implement this knowledge in the year 2020.
Summer 2019 was rough.  I made a lot of mistakes.  I don't care to dive deep into them right now...but I will.  I already know that someday, I will dive into them.
And I'm probably going to dive into them on my new blog!
"What?  A new blog?  Why on earth do you have so many blogs anyway?!"
Um...so...I just counted exactly how many blogs I either run, or have access to coauthor on.  15.  Now, not all of them are public, and some of them, I do not run, but I do have coauthor access to.  I only have six that are public access, and three that I post on semifrequently.  This one, the one I occasionally (but rarely) post stories on, and my new one, which is designed as a ministry.
Here's the new blog: Love, Not Shame
But, near the end of the summer, there was also redemption.  God sent me a friend, who helped me through the rough spot I was in, and led me back to God.  He was a direct answer to a desperate prayer for another Alex.  Alex is the son of my former pastor and his wife.  Alex is the entire reason I started attending the church I currently attend.  I also believe he's the reason that, 4 years ago, I didn't give up on God, because of how alone and desperate I felt.
So, God answered that prayer, and sent me a Xander.  I was, again, alone, and desperate, and broken...and Xander led me back to the God of love and goodness; a God who is not a God of shame.
Since meeting Xander, my faith has been much stronger, and I truly feel that I am on the path I am supposed to be on.
I also feel a huge bit of imposter syndrome!  It feels so weird for my automatic response to be one pointing back to God.  It almost...feels a little fake sometimes.  And that's weird.  I know that I'm not being fake...but it still kind of feels that way.
Not only has 2019 been a year of growth, it's been a year of friends!
I have met, and met up with, SO MANY internet friends this year!  Donny, Melody, Awesome, Xander, Heather...I'm sure others, as well.
I've made new friends!  Andrea with an EA, Brooke (who just got married in December!), Josh.
I've deepened or rekindled previously existing friendships.  Mathew, Norma, my Aunt Esther, my Aunt Melody.
I've seen friends move away.  I'm lookin' at you, Karen.  And I miss you.
I've experienced loss.  A lovely older lady who was the mother of one of my friends.  A relationship with someone I was previously close to.  As I mentioned earlier, I experienced a break up.
I am not who I was at the beginning of 2019.
I've also realized that, well, I have a rather gothic style.  I'd always kind of joked about it...but...um...yeah, it's not that much of a joke, after all.  As such, January is to be the month where I purge my clothing and only keep those that suit my style, are necessary for different jobs I perform, or that have sentimental value (such as the leopard print skirt that my mom and I have that match).
I also pierced my ears!  Something I've been talking about since I was maybe 12, but didn't do until July 14, 2019.  It was a monumental day.  I finally did it because I was extremely emotionally distraught.  Not the best reason.  But I was alone in Walmart and very depressed.  And...honestly?  I love earrings!
Going into 2020, I don't tend to make resolutions.  They're...well, they aren't stupid, but...they really aren't smart.  People expect to make HUGE changes, in just one day...then they are discouraged when they can't quit xyz cold turkey, when they discover they can't change their entire routine overnight.
But...I can make goals, yeah?
So.  Goals.
I'm hoping to purge.  My belongings mostly.  I'm extremely sentimental.  And I don't like to hurt people's feelings.  As such, I have a collection of adorable bears...that...are adorable.  I don't know where I got them.  And...frankly?  I don't really want them....
What I want is my music boxes, most of my horse figurines, most of my cat figurines, and my dragons.
I also have a collection of porcelain dolls.  Which, I loved as a child.  And some of them, I still love.  But I don't love or want all of them.  There's too many!
So.  Some of them will be finding new homes before 2021.
Unfortunately, this purge will also need to touch my books.  Yeah, I'm screaming too.  They are my books!  And they're books!  But...let's face it...some of them I'm only keeping because they're books....
A good chunk of my childhood lives in my garage.  And...it's been there since September/October 2018....  As much as it hurts to admit...I probably don't care that much about some of that stuff.  Namely this random hat that I know is out there, but don't even care about wearing.  My posters?  Uh...I don't even remember what a lot of them look like.
Just like my clothing style has changed, so has my decorating style.  And that's okay.  It's okay to change.  It's okay to grow.
If 2019 taught me one thing...it's that change and growth is not only okay, but it is also good.  And...I guess this is more than one thing, but also...God is love.  It's one thing to know it in your head, because of course the Bible says that over and over...but to realize it in your heart...it's...lovely to be able to do so.

~Katie :)