Or Maybe Not :/

Okay, so my last post was about me going to the wedding of a girl from my church right?  Well sorta...  Turns out I'm not gonna go after all.
I hurt too much.  I would burst into tears, and it wouldn't be good.  I already had a meltdown.  It's so unlike me to have a meltdown.
I can see myself breaking down into tears tomorrow too, even though we decided to go to Katy Days instead.
Amy, and Jimmy, if you're reading this, please take no offense.  I DO want to go to your wedding, I just don't think I can manage it without depressing you and your guests.  A wedding is a happy time.  Your guys's happy time.  I don't want to ruin it for you with my tears.  I wish you two the best!
Sometimes I think I'm bipolar.  Other times I am being told that it's just normal teenness.
How I am I supposed to know what I am?
Right now I'm semi tired.  But do I want to go to bed.  No-okay yeah kinda, but something is keeping me from it.
Oh who am I kidding!  Getting over Tyler is going to be...one of the hardest things ever.  I don't even know if I want to get over him.  I mean, if I don't, I'm bound to get hurt worse...but if I do, what if he wants me to take him back, and I can't because I got over him, and no longer have those feelings for him?
Yes Tyler is/was my boyfriend.  Yes he did break up with me.  Dear family, if you want to grill me about how I shouldn't be dating till I'm 150 could you at least wait until I've had a chance to pick myself up, and dust myself off?  Or at least do it in private, not on a comment on my blog.  And by private, I mean between me and you, not, oh never mind.
It's about 5 AM.  I've been up for about 20 hours, and for about...5 or ten of those hours I would say that I was crying, I've barely eaten today, because the thought of food makes me feel sick, and the majority of my liquid intake was Mountain Dew.
I should go to bed.  Mom let me bring the computer in her room.  That way I could be with her, and be on the computer at the same time.
Mom and I had a heart to heart talk.  Well sorta...  See, I came in around....2 something, and cried, and she held me, and I cried, and cried, and cried, and then I got everything out, let her read my journal, (I do NOT keep a diary, those are just creepy, and look kinda like diarrhea when spelled...) ate chocolate, drank mountain dew, cried and laughed at the same time, the laughed and cried at the same time, then I just laughed, then I stopped doing anything, and Mom let me come in here.
Here being her room.
She's in here, so it's so much better than my room.  Even if she is asleep.  And taking up most of the bed.  Oh well, her bed...
Alrighty, I'mma finish up devotions, and go to bed.
~Katie ): (: those are my confused idk what mood I am right now faces.