IBS vs. FHS Teacher Showdown!

So, I've been thinking recently about what would happen if there was a contest between the teachers at my old school and the teachers of my new school...who would win???  Here is how I believe the showdown would look....

Announcer:  From IBS, we have the music teacher, Mr. Miller, the science/history teacher, Brother Todd, the former English, now Bible teacher, Miss Montgomery; the former English teacher, Mrs. B.; the former English teacher Mrs. Weinand; and last, but not least, the P.E. teacher, Brother Steve!
*audience claps politely*
Announcer: And from FHS, we have the music teacher, Mrs. Fischer; the science teacher, Mr. Weilert; the English teacher, Mrs. Schlabach; the art teacher, Mr. Houghton; and last but not least, the weights/P.E. teacher, Mr. Barnett!
*audience claps politely*
Announcer: To begin, we will have the music teachers stand up...  Mrs. Fischer, Mr. Miller, come forward.
*they come forward willingly*
Announcer: Please, lead your choirs in warm-ups.  Mrs. Fischer...ladies first.
Mrs. Fischer: *leads choir in the 'bottle pop' round*
*audience claps politely*
Announcer: Mr. Miller, can you and your choir upstage her?
Mr. Miller:  *leads choir in 'Ho-ho-ho Hosanna'*
*audience claps politely*
Announcer: Excellent!  You both have done very well.  Mr. Miller, you appear to have a smaller choir, but despite that you've trained them well.  Mrs. Fischer, your choir is larger, but you have also trained them well.  We collected polls from students that have "served" under these teachers and out of three of Mr. Miller's students...previous or current...all three have stated that he is an excellent teacher and that they enjoy being in his class and doing choir tour with him.  However...for Mrs. Fischer...out of three of her students...they also enjoy class with her!  Congratulations!  It's a tie!  Now for the science teachers....
*they step forward*
Announcer:  Please, demonstrate how you teach your students about the metric system.
Mr. Weilert:  *condensed and fast forwarded*  We use the English system which not even the English use.  Here, look on these crackers...English AND metric.  *tosses behind*  Can of peas?  English AND metric.  *tosses behind*  Cereal?  English AND metric!  *tosses behind*.
Brother Todd:  *looks throughly stunned*  I think something might get broken if he keeps doing that....  *condensed and sped up*  The English and metric systems of measurement are both listed on everything except for--
Mr. Weilert:  What??  There's no English measurement.  That's because the scientific measuring system is the metric system.
Announcer:  Perhaps we should have taken turns...it appears that while Brother Todd is a more laid back person--
Mr. Weilert: What now, Katie?  You're sucking me dry girl!
Announcer:  *clears throat*  BROTHER TODD IS A MORE LAID BACK PERSON...however, though they have different methods of teaching are both good teachers.  There appears to be a bit more chaos in Brother Todd's room...we have live footage of a stepfather of one of the students coming into the room with a whale puppet singing a song about...about...saving whales...I don't even know...  HOWEVER...this tie, again...will be broken by the students...and again...unanimous on both sides!  Congratulations, gentlemen.
Announcer:  You notice that we only have four teachers that are competing...this is because some of the teachers Katie had at IBS, she only took those classes while attending IBS, such as math and others she's only taken at FHS, such as art.  As such, these teachers automatically win against the ones from the opposing schools.  Principals are disqualified as they are not technically teachers, but administrators.

...to be continued...

~Katie